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“I am so many white people,
I mean, where do I start?
I’ve got lots of personalities,
I just can’t tell them apart.”


-Ani Difranco
In other words, I’m not entirely sure which form is my true one. So, I’ll describe two of them here and leave the decision to you. As for a setting, most of this is me during my sophomore year. The last six lines occurred last year.

Form Number One is the most frustrating.
In this incarnation she cannot breathe. Or walk. Or run or make eye contact or listen to a human voice or appreciate something funny or move in any direction that gravity will not allow.
She’s trapped by inertia.
When forced to speak, her entire consciousness collapses into a ball behind her eyes much like a marshmallow as the bell jar is lifted. The only way she knows she’s producing sound is feeling the vibrations in her chest and throat and jaw. She can see the other person’s reaction but can rarely read it.
This is the girl that failed journalism.
This is the girl who earned a D in Chemistry.
This is the girl who hoped every day the white minivan would strike her as it crossed her path between the south and north ends of her nightmare.
Just a coma, she thinks. No more running. No more assignments. No more expectations, but then, also: no more Katie. She wouldn’t be able to spend another four minutes with Her for a long time, and if she came back at all she would have lost Her. So she looks both ways before crossing the street.
Four minutes. Maybe five if she ran from General Chemistry Room 139 to Functions, Statistics and Trigonometry Door 144 to catch another breath of the goddess she worships. The goddess who leaves the state in T-minus FIVE…FOUR…THREE… TOO…SOON.
Then to band, where the piccolo burns her ears, and her fingers are always two measures behind, lost in a translation that takes too long.
And in those forty minutes she transforms again from the happy puppy begging for scraps of affection at her mistress’s ankles into the ball with eyes. She spits out CC and T





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someone else said...
Feb. 1, 2009 at 5:12 pm
that was SO cool...this is my new fav story!
 
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