Once upon a time there was an old man. But he’s not important, I am. I'm beans, but not regular beans either, I’m magic beans.
At the time my carrier was an old man, creepy and old. I never learned his name but skinny santa claus would be the best way to describe him. He was slouched at the back and had a long beard. Kind of like  Dumbledore’s beard. One day myself and I were together wondering. “Man where is this old man taking me? He needs to hurry up and do what he needs to do because I'm hungry.” It also probably didn't help that we were passing by corn fields either. The area was basically farmland. You could see for miles of nothing but fields. Soon afterwards, Gandalf the grey and I approached an awkward looking fellow, but he had a cow and looked like the agriculture type so good for me. How are you doing Jack. “Thats kind of creepy, how did you know his name.” I got no answer probably because I'm only beans and I get discriminated for it, but Jack even had this look on his face like. Go away you Mesozoic Era looking nuisance of the world. But he just smiled and said politely. “Sup.” Ok surfer guy, I thought. Jack, I will make you an offer for a trade between these magic beans and your cow. “Hold on just a second man we didn't take about this. This is getting a little sketchy.” Again I got no answer but fear started to dwell within me. Even though he looked like an agriculture type of person, I could be wrong and he could be like a murderer or rapist or something. “Magic beans you say”, Jack said to Leonardo da Vinci over here. “Indeed.” Who are you now, Albert Einstein? “Ok its a deal” said Young Jack. “Oh my Jesus” I said as some terrible fears started to linger in my mind.
On the walk home, I realized Jack is very odd. He likes to talk to himself about his life and his dissatisfactions. Some time past and my new owner and I arrived at an old abandoned looking shed, there was some farm land so the fears of bad things started to fade. As we walked into the door there was a women sitting down at a table with a look of concern. “So did you sell the cow, Jack” she said. “Yes I did and this old man gave me some magic beans.” Even thinking about it I think Jack is crazy and I am the magic beans. “Did you know this man Jack.” It felt like forever when finally Jack answered. “No, but he seemed legit.” I scolded him with a look of concern whether or not this boy has his brain screwed on correctly as I said. “Dude, he did not seem legit, he seemed like a sketchy stalker waiting for you to fall asleep so he could creep up on you.” His mother gave him no answer and also scolded him and in disappointment of her son, walked out of the room with a feeling of woebegone.
A couple days went by before Jack finally decided to plant me into the ground and water me. Thats when the real magic happened as I instantly sprung from the ground and grew a couple hundred feet tall. “I can’t see you anymore, midget man!” Jack nearly fainted as he looked up at me with awe. Like most reckless humans, when you see something really tall shooting into the sky you're going to climb it. And thats exactly what he did. It took some time but he finally got to the top. Reckless, reckless, reckless. Oh man, if he survives that will be his new nickname because he has no idea of what he is getting himself into. If he were smart he would turn back, but he’s not. He started walking towards this giant castle thing, it was hard to comprehend what it exactly was due to the current events and the distance it was from my position.
Remember when I said before that Jack doesn't really have his brain screwed on correctly. Well he proved it when he made the decision to investigate this very scary looking castle building, deep in the distance. As he started walking it didn't take long for him to disappear in the thick morning mist. As he left me sitting here waiting for the inevitable, I started hearing noises, and they weren't pleasant. They didn't even sound human or animal like. The ground started to shake and I panicked thinking it was an earthquake but then I thought, “Man I'm in the sky, how is there an earthquake in the sky.” It made sense when I saw a giant creature in the distance. I couldn't see well through the fog and it was a pretty good distance away. But it was big and it looked terrifying. All of the sudden, a golden goblin came close and started talking to me. “Mr. Beanstalk how do you do, you are now in the blue skies and your friend is going to die. You have nothing you can do.” I looked around to see if someone else was in the vicinity. “Are you talking to me.” “There is no one else here is there?” the goblin said. “Oh, ok he’s not my friend by the way and I could frankly care less.” “What is the boys name” the Goblin replied. “Jack.” I answered. “If you could would you save him?” he asked. “Nope.” Moments after I answered, this look on the little devils face appeared as he started to explain. “That, beanstalk, is pretty selfish after all he has done for you. He traded a cow he was supposed to sell for money but instead traded the cow for you. Also, he saved you from creepy old Mr. Rodgers down back on the ground.” I began to think, dang he is right. I also began to think, holy crap he is also a creeper like the old boogeyman down there on the ground. “What am I going to do man, I'm rooted into the ground.” There was a long pause before we both came to a conclusion. “Did Jack plant all of the beans before you miraculously sprung out of the earth and into the sky?” “No.” I answered. “Well you are the beans aren't you. Just see from the perspective of the other beans to see if Jack still has them.” You know for an ugly looking demon this guy is smart. I focused really hard to see exactly where he and the other half of me were at. Turns out he was on his way back as we spoke. He was at a full sprint running from a giant. As I watched this happen I started to feel the ground shake and shake, until Jack quickly climbs down screaming “giant”. The giant and I were looking dead center at each other before I felt a sudden sting. Then a more intense sting, that quickly turned into a very excruciating pain. Thats when I realized these crazy idiots are cutting me down. Soldiers surrounded me as they yelled, “Cut it down, quickly before the giant gets to ground level.” I screamed as loud as I could even though they can’t hear or understand me. “No! Don't cut me down, I have feelings and right now you are hurting mine very much.” Timber! Crash.
I now lay here on the ground dead…sort of. The beans that are left Jack still has but he will probably never plant because of recent events. The moral lesson of this story is: being a beanstalk sucks, but only because nobody listens to what you have to say.