Drunk Driving

January 13, 2009
By Karl Sprung, Merton, WI

Sir, can you please step out of the vehicle? Police Officers and the City of Milwaukee are pulling over more cars and giving harsher punishments to the culprits of drinking and driving. A study by the Alcohol Research and Health council found of the total number of drivers, thirty-one percent of males reported to drink and drive whereas thirteen percent of females reported to commit this inane crime. Could males have bad ethics? A study by Sprung’s Institute of Knowledge proved that ninety-five percent of male drunk driving has occurred from flagrant pick up lines. Because of the humiliation, males are drinking heavily and stepping into their cars even after friends admonish them driving. The group, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, is rampant about the situation and demand action to be taken. As a result, the City of Milwaukee and Sprung’s Institute of Knowledge concurred on a plan to improve pick up lines and build confidence of males at bars and parties. Monday and Wednesday each week, males are encouraged to attend meetings where teachers will go over pick up lines, how to approach women, and dance moves that won’t creep out women.
We recently interviewed a young man, Jackson, who was leaving the meeting and asked him about what he has learned. Jackson said, “Before these meetings, being turned down was a weekly occurrence; however, now I have game. I don’t need alcohol to have confidence to talk to women.” His inexorable faith that this system works was evident.

Sprung’s Institute of Knowledge and the City of Milwaukee have come up with a solution that is effective. Drinking and driving rates have decreased, but rape and assault charges have decreased as well. The lingo has changed from “Sir, can you please step out of the vehicle?” to “Sir, can you please take me home?”

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