King Kong II Attacks the City of Milwaukee

January 13, 2009
By Hannah Ceschi, Hartland, WI

Last week, an animal the size of the Empire State building ran rampant through Milwaukee, Wisconsin, destroying everything in its path. The culprit is a gorilla named King Kong II. The creature found its way across the country and is moving west, and he is outraged that gorillas don’t have their own place to inhabit. As if that’s not enough, the gorilla has mated with his significant other, and together, they produced hundreds of baby gorillas, who are now attacking the country as well. What action can we the people take to save the rest of our country?

Being a city of good ethics, the public has concurred that we don’t want to kill the gorillas, but instead we should relocate them to a recently discovered island off the coast of Cuba. The island is very large and has an unlimited supply of plants to eat now that scientists have found a solution to spray on the plants to keep them infinitely growing. It’s safe and secluded so the gorillas won’t be disrupted. The government has agreed to stay out of their lives as long as they stop ruining cities.
Moving to the island is the best option, the problem is King Kong II and his family is an inexorable bunch. Scientists communicated with the gorillas and found that King Kong II doesn’t think that the island is a safe place to raise his family, and he will not stop terrorizing cities until he is well assured that this island is suitable for the family. The scientists admonished King Kong II that if he and his family continue to cause devastation, the military will take any actions needed to annihilate them.

After some negotiating, King Kong II agreed to move to the island. “I want only for my children safety, and if island is only option, I will take it,” said King Kong II to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. The gorillas are currently on their way to the island. They are being followed closely by the U.S. Army so there is no monkey business amongst the gorillas.

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