Huckpuck, Montana -- According to the SAORD Foundation (Save Animals or Die), there were 398,000 animals abused last year, and if you don’t help to end this, you’re just another culprit. Over 65,000 animals died as a result of this abuse, and that number is growing. Jessica Simpson, fellow animal lover, says that animal abuse is running rampant.
Shoo Shoo Chung Yil, a former resident, confessed under duress that she imprisoned animals. She owns “Huri Up and Bi”, a quaint restaurant in the town. Shoo Shoo was thrown in jail yesterday after an undercover tip from SLF (Seal Lover Foundation). Innocent and defenseless baby seals were found slaving away in the kitchen of her restaurant.
Amanda Shakenbake, representative from SAORD, conducted a survey questioning 100 people around the city about their thoughts on animals. The study proves the fact that 34% of people interviewed inexorably hated animals, and 45% of haters had at least one household pet.
The mayor held a mandatory town meeting about the affects of crystal methamphetamine on minors, and was supposed to briefly touch on the subject of animal abuse, but skipped over it and went straight to talk about the new speed limit on main street! The 66% of animal lovers couldn’t believe that he skipped the important topic, and SAORD concurred. Mr. Mayor’s wife briefly admonished him in private after the outraged members of SAORD stormed out of the town meeting. The mayor publically apologized to SAORD and a special meeting was held days later.