Jeff The Killer | Teen Ink

Jeff The Killer

March 9, 2015
By Buble PLATINUM, Ammon, Idaho
Buble PLATINUM, Ammon, Idaho
22 articles 13 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love and loyalty run deeper than blood. By: Richelle Mead


He was just like you. An innocent Freshman in high school who just wanted to fit in. Peers laughed at him and tortured him all because he was differnet. Even his own family made his life a living h---. He tried to ignore all the whispering and all the hatred things people said everytime he walked by but it hurt a lot knowing he was a misfit and could never have a normal life like other kids. He was hurt but beneath all the pain burried deep in his soul was a hatred that ran so deep it consumed him. On a dark stormy night he lost control of all that hatred and blacked out. The reason he was different was because he had two different personallities. One was kind and sweet while the other was plane out cruel and solved his problems with violence. The cruel dark side of him took conrol and sumbled through the hallways in his house in the dark. He stumbled into his parents room and found them fast asleep he pulled out a kitchen knife out of his hoodie's pocket. He had stuffed the knife there when he was doing the dinner dishes for this exact reason. He held tightly to the knife and crept over to the side of the bed. He slit his mothers throat and watched as blood spead over her night clothes and over the bed sheets. then he stalked over to the other side of the bed where his father laid and stabbed the knife through his throat five times and cut out his eyes. he laughed a cruel laugh and left the room never looking back once. He stumbled to his brothers room and found him fast asleep in his car shaped bed. He lurked over his tiny form and watched his chest rise and fall with every easy breath. He held the knife up to his throat ready to slice through the flesh but hesitated. He loved his little brother with all his heart but he could'nt control this angry side of him. The knife slid through the flesh and muscle quickly. His small eyes shot open in surprise and he opened his mouth to speak but caughed and choked on his own blood. his body shook and trembled but finally went still. "one...,two....,three..down, one hundred to go......* he chuckled and left the house without another word.



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This article has 8 comments.


xxxxe said...
on Apr. 14 2015 at 12:16 am
xxxxe, X, Alabama
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
An intriguing subject, to be sure. I always find it interesting to write about this sort of topic because it's so completely different from myself--it's kind of like exploring some foreign terrain, don't you think? Anyway, I'd love to read more!

Buble PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 8 2015 at 2:25 pm
Buble PLATINUM, Ammon, Idaho
22 articles 13 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love and loyalty run deeper than blood. By: Richelle Mead

Thank you very much. I'm currently rewriting this piece and turning it into a novel. You are very welcome to read it as I post each chapter I complete.

on Apr. 8 2015 at 8:03 am
Scorpio07 SILVER, Hertfordshire, Other
5 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are many launguages around the world, but a smile speaks them all - Unknown

Wow! I really enjoyed reading this and am absolutely dying to read on :). I would agree with the idea of flashbacks - prehaps about what made him so perculiar and a couple of lines about an inner battle that he is facing between his two sides. This short story is a smart way of viewing these issues and if you did write any more I would love to read on. Good luck and definatly keep writing because you have alot of talent. :)

Buble PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 7 2015 at 2:58 pm
Buble PLATINUM, Ammon, Idaho
22 articles 13 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love and loyalty run deeper than blood. By: Richelle Mead

Thank you very much. I appreciate hearing what others have to say.

ellwist SILVER said...
on Apr. 6 2015 at 8:35 am
ellwist SILVER, Surabaya, Other
6 articles 2 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
"They only let you be this happy when they're preparing to take something from you." -Khaled Hosseini, the Kite Runner.

This has quite a lot of potential, but the execution needs work. Don't tell us that Jeff is a troubled child with a horrid life; have him show us himself, let him remember all the scenes where his parents were unfair to him or his schoolmates cruel. Don't tell us he's in moral conflict, have an angel and a demon battle on his shoulders while he slits his little brother's throat (not literally no but you know what I mean). I liked the part where he starts counting his victims, that's when you pry into his psyche--don't be afraid to get your hands dirty. Listen to the crazy stirring in your head. Tap into your darkest fears and use them. Then, will it lead to something genuinely good. And I'm sorry if I've only repeated what RobotPenn has said. Good luck in writing!

on Apr. 3 2015 at 7:45 pm
RobotPenn. SILVER, El Paso, Texas
8 articles 1 photo 81 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Profound change is cumulative."

My pleasure. Good luck! :)

Buble PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 3 2015 at 4:14 pm
Buble PLATINUM, Ammon, Idaho
22 articles 13 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love and loyalty run deeper than blood. By: Richelle Mead

Thank you very much. I will take your advise. I appreciate hearing what you have to say. Thank you again.

on Apr. 2 2015 at 4:19 pm
RobotPenn. SILVER, El Paso, Texas
8 articles 1 photo 81 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Profound change is cumulative."

Interesting plot line, but I'd love to see more from it. Why is Jeff so angry? What makes him want to kill? Is it just a sudden, uncontrollable, mood swing; or something that lasts long enough for him to plan to steal a knife from the kitchen, something he can control enough to hesitate in killing his brother? That scene, in particular, has the potential to be a really thought-provoking. But I'd love to see more of a struggle running through his psyche. Does he believe his brother deserves to die? Is killing his parents a form of revenge, a desperate way to escape abuse, or merely just an expression of his insanity? You are merely telling me what is happening, not showing me a why. This is a compelling story. It drew me in immediately, but I think you've merely skimmed the surface of its potential. Don't just describe a scene, get into Jeff's head. What leads up to this? What follows? You have created a skeleton for a story that can become complex, and haunting. I'd love to see you add layers to it. To make it not just a summary, but a story. Eek. I have sounded a bit pretentious in that last bit. I really like this story, and I want to see more from it. That said, you are the writer. You have control. Take my suggestions, or don't. Change the entire thing, or leave it exactly the way it is. Tell the story you want to tell, and once you feel like its perfect, then its finished. No need for anyone else's opinion. Either way, I hope I helped. Happy writing! :)


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