Looking In the Mirror

December 24, 2008
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You know how sometimes you look in the mirror and you see something different? That happened to me today I woke walked stiffly to the bathroom looked in the mirror and it hit me. It was like a semi just plowed into my brain…Or maybe some gauze was pulled from in front of my eyes, but I realized I’m different.

I’ve got boobs, my hair is longer. When did I start to look like a woman? Oh my goodness, in three years I’ll be driving. I have my own thoughts about religion and an essay due in English. My grandma doesn’t ask me if I want to lick the spatula and my mom doesn’t pack my lunch.

Then I blinked and here I was again same old girl with the green/blue eyes and the dark hair. Where did that woman go? Now I’m just a teenager again trying to hide that stupid pimple and trying to remember what classes I have a quiz in.

Who was that strange person looking back at me this morning? Why did I seem so surprised? Maybe she’ll be back tomorrow.




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5 years later and I’m 18. Leaving for college in an hour and waiting for my mom to finish her hair. I think back to the time I had to miss that movie to study for the S.A.Ts , that day when my boyfriend broke up with me and I thought I’d never smile again. Those times don’t seem so bad now. They made me who I am. Then I see my neighbor outside putting bags into the car. Is she leaving too? I remember when I used to go over to her house and talk about all of her problems, that day when she threw our friendship bracelet behind the bush and refused to call me back. That led to meeting a new neighbor. She’s the one that stuck. I think back to when I used to go over to her house to talk about all of *our* problems. She’s the one that’s waiting for us to pick her up. She didn’t want to say goodbye ‘til she had to. I look up to see my mom in the window watching me while I have my personal life recap. She pulls away, but not before I see that tear role down her cheek. I hope my dad comforts her and tells her I’ll be back soon.





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3 years later and I’m 21. My mom is coming to pick me up for my first drink. I’m just putting the finishing touches on my makeup when I think back to that summer evening when I asked my dad for just a sip of his beer. He said “okay, as long as it’s only a sip.” I took a little swig and spit it back out, how could anyone drink that willingly? And yet here I go to have my first legal drink. Ah here we go, last splash of blush and I’m done. HONK!!...Oops my mom’s here maybe she’ll tell me about her first sip.





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19 years later and oh no I’m middle aged!! It doesn’t seem that old. I’m blowing out the candles and thinking what should I wish for; Happy life, no, maybe to be rich, that’s not right either. Oh I know. I wish that my kids will get to take my wish, because though they put me through hell at times, I love them and they were the best wish I could have asked for.





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40 years later and I’m thinking oh my, I’m 80. Where did time go? What was that thing that I used to want to pass faster? Oh yes, the years. Now that I think back I realize how foolish I was to waste a wish on that. Why didn’t I wish for my grandparents to live long enough to meet my grandkids? Why didn’t I wish to have met my grandma on my dad’s side? I think that maybe I could have gotten those wishes, but now that I think about it where would my wishes have gone? To a line waiting to be read? To a basket of unopened letters? Well I’m old, gray and ready. Maybe I’ll just ask God when I get there.





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