My 5000 Dollar Suit

December 11, 2008
By
I loved rain. The little droplets of water pouring down and the sweet noise it makes while splashing on the ground made any day better. The rain gave me courage to go out and stand beneath the gray thunderous clouds although I knew my beloved wife would be furious. This time was a completely different story. My wife, Anne, had bought me a $5,000 suit for a party being held for my thirty fifth birthday. It was more of a way that I could interact with future business associates than an actual exciting, cut-the-cake, type of birthday party. Anne held a type of confidence, or rather a hair-raising glare, which people feared. The vibe she exerted usually was the reason for many mishaps that have taken place throughout our seven years of marriage. She was a stereotypical redhead.
I married her because we fell in love in college. She used to be charming and witty back then. But then again, we had only known each other for a mere three months before marrying. Even after some months we were leading a blissful life. But everything changed after that just married, everything is amazing, phase. We continued to annoy each other, me especially according to Anne. And the rest is history. There’s never been a day since when I haven’t shivered with the thought of her getting angry.
The clouds outside were graying. The rain was just a light mist and I knew it would stay that way for three more hours thanks to the Weather Channel. It was the perfect weather, and since I knew the lifeless party I was about to attend was going to be a drag, I thought I would have some fun of my own. I grabbed my umbrella to save myself from Anne going ballistic even with the simple thought of me not arriving in the car.
I was following the little beads of mist on the sidewalk, when suddenly they began to gain in size. I could sense the pressure of water drizzling upon the ground. I scanned around the roads for shelter. There was a convenience store in sight, so I sprinted my way inside to protect my “priceless” suit. I looked through the windows and shuddered when I saw the now charcoal sky. The rain was gaining speed my the millisecond. My cell phone had no service, and the only other way to get to the party hall was to take the subway. There was a map of the train routes and timings on the wall of the store. I quickly looked over it and became speechless I saw that there were no train stations within a five minute radius. Beads of liquid led their way down my forehead to my spine.
“Excuse me? Would you happen to have a raincoat around here? Or something that would protect me from the rain? Anything?” I asked the Indian store clerk. “I don’t think so. Sorry,” He replied. Usually I would have giggled because of his accent, but the only emotion that could fit in my mind was worry. I shuddered each time the thought of Anne’s fuming tomato face, bulging eyes, and high-pitched shriek dawned on me. “What am I gonna do? Oh goodness,” I thought to myself.
“You seem a bit worried Mister. May I ask what is wrong?” The clerk questioned. “Oh I’m late to a party, it’s raining cats outside, I have an incredibly expensive suit on, and my wife will murder me as soon as she sets eyes on me. That’s it,” I replied.
“Oh I see, I see. Well, look around the store; help yourself to anything you might find of assistance. Oh and by the way, it is not raining cats outside, it is raining water,” He said, with special emphasis on water.
I rolled my eyes, and quickly ran through the extremely small store. There was absolutely nothing that could have been of my use. “Do you have any ideas? I have an umbrella, so my suit is safe, but what about my pants?” I pleaded the Indian man for answers. “I would say that a plastic bag may be of some help, but since we only have paper bags in the store I won’t mention that. The only other thing you could use maybe are chairs?” He answered.
“That works! How hard could it be to walk on chairs right?” I immediately bought the chairs and ran out the door. I heard the man laugh and whisper “what a crazy man”, to himself. I did not necessarily care how I got to the ballroom at that point. All that mattered was that my suit reached there untouched by any droplets of rain or mud. The rain was still appetizing, though. I wished I could stand beneath the silver sky, not thinking about my wife, or the suit, or what time I had to reach the party.
I snapped out of it quickly, and realized I had very little time to reach the party at the exact moment my wife was expecting me there. I put each leg on one chair, held my umbrella up in one hand, and grabbed on to my briefcase in the other. I had just begun to walk, which was extremely hard due to the chairs, when a completely unexpected car came rushing past and drenched me in slimy mud. I lost control of my self, slipped, and fell on the road. I could see my future perfectly clear right then. I knew my wife would be infuriated, and she would do something horrible to me. She probably would kick me out of her house. I would be homeless. My lips quivered as I began to picture my coming life.
With grave difficulty, I stood up. There was no possible way I would get there on time, and I would get there wearing this. I knew that everything that could’ve have gone wrong had already happened. I was soaked and helpless, so I decided that I should not bother to even try. I was fed up of living up to Anne’s expectations and being terrified of her every second of the day. I knew I had to stand up for my rights one day, and it had to be today. So I walked slowly towards the direction of the building where my party was being held, smirking at the thought of my wife’s expression. I played around in the puddles, enjoying myself completely. Perhaps more than ever.
As I neared the party hall, I saw a little clothing store. I considered going inside and getting a polo shirt and jeans to change into, but I had just begun to get entertained by this rebellious form of myself. I did not want to let go of it so soon. I finally arrived in front of the door of the ball room. I took a deep breath, put on a criminal like smile, and stepped in the ball room. Anne stood in the middle of the room. She shot me a last glance of anguish before fainting. Empowered, I announced that that was the bravest thing I had ever done.





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