To the people of the village,
You think you know Princess Aurora, don't you? Well not like I, Prince John. I don't know what has caused her to change into a cold-hearted cereal killer, but my guess would be Prince Phillip. Aurora had recently found out that Phillip was sneaking out in the middle of the night to see a girl living in a village. This had been going on for a few weeks now and shocked me when I first heard the news. I always thought of Phillip to be a strong, polite, gentlemen that would never do something like this. It seemed preposterous with him having this affair, and it didn't end well. As soon as Aurora was aware of what was happening, she decapitated Prince Phillip. Does that sound like a princess at all to you?
Ever since then something has snapped in her. She no longer sings to the birds when the sun emerges over the hills to the east every morning. She no longer has a heart bigger than the universe that pulses kindness and care. In fact, I question if she has a heart at all.
But there is more.
About 2 days after burying headless Phillip, she started flirting with me. Immediately, I stopped her to mention that I am a married man, and I later found my wife’s head in the kitchen and the rest of her in the bedroom. Aurora then threatened me to take her hand in marriage, or my fate would become the same.
It has been seven days after the wedding, and I need help! Living with a 3-headed dog sounds more appealing than living with Aurora right now. All I am asking is for is advise to get back the good old Princess. Anything is better than nothing, and please try to hurry.
Signed,

Prince John