Heckle Me Not

November 20, 2008
By Lawrence Roth, Roslyn Heights, NY

The heckler was recognized as an old family friend. I forgot a lot about him but I did remember he was part of a mountain climbing expedition I joined a few years back. I also remembered he was a good natured guy, which got me wondering why he was being so rude.

The family friend was hurrying away so I rushed to catch up with him. I was able to reach a talking distance.

“Excuse me sir, were you the one that kept wailing in the back?” I asked.

“Yeah I was.” He replied. He stopped his fast walk.

“Can you not do that please? The heckling I mean.”

“Are you worried I might ruin your very boring reputation?” I laughed at that.

“I am not boring. Just stop your yelling because a few people kind of got upset.”

“How so?”

“Well, one woman came up to me and said you threw a bottle of wine at me from the back of the room, which hit her foot. Another person said he almost became deaf from all your yelling. And there was this guy that told me he was going to call the cops on you if you didn’t stop cursing so much.”

“And did I stop?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“So why ain’t the cops here, silly little man?” I groaned and decided to change the subject.

“Do you recognize me?” I asked.

“Sort of. I remember your face a little, which I wish I could not.” He said.

“I have similar feelings for you. Anyway, I think you were an old family friend that went on that mountain climbing expedition with me.”

“Oh yeah! You were the guy who made the guide laugh so hard he fell down a crevice. And you are also the one who drank that entire container full of snow and got major brain freeze.” I cringed at the memory. The brain freeze lasted for ten minutes, and after it was over, I thought I had lost half my memory.

“Well, I remember you were the one that ‘accidentally’ smacked a guy that was annoying you with your ski pole. And you were the one that forgot how to make a tent so half of us were freezing in the bitter cold at midnight. I also think you got your backpack caught on a tree branch when we came down the mountain. The tree apparently had bad roots, so when you pulled, it came down and blocked our path. We had to walk an extra two days to get back to that shack with that tiny owner that insulted anyone that didn’t pay him a fifty dollar tip.”

“Good times huh?” he said, reflecting on the expedition.

“Yeah. But I do remember that you were nice. So why did you keep yelling at me at the back of the theatre?”

“Oh, that was just payback for the two dollars you stole when I told you to hold my wallet, while I heroically rescued that guide from the crevice.”

“You got stuck in there too! We had to call in a helicopter.”

“Yes, but it was me that caused you to call that flying contraption in. The ride was absolutely horrific.” I laughed.

“Anyway, why did you need to heckle me for two dollars that I took years ago? How do you even remember it?”

“I specifically made sure I took that fifty dollars up the mountain for the shack owner when I returned, but I only had forty eight. He insulted me all the way back to New York.” I laughed again.

“Okay, fine. So are we even now?”

“Nope, give me those two dollars.”

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