Gather Roun' and Pull Em' Down

November 18, 2008
By
As our nation has feared, the NSSS (Nation Students’ Streaking Society) has finally done what it’s been threatening to do for two years. They’ve corrupted the minds of our toddlers. In the last week, they’ve spread the NTSS (National Toddlers’ Streaking Society) from bright and sunny Florida to the dreadfully frozen Alaska. “It’s hard enough to walk out of my house and see my 14-year-old son running around without his pants, but to go to my door and find my 3-year-old daughter’s diaper scrawled out on my porch, it’s sickening,” reported Tommy Pantaloons of Alaska. “Why couldn’t I just have a daughter who got pregnant like all the other girls? Instead I got one who wants to show what she’s got to everyone. I can barely show my face at our family reunion,” sobbed Martha Maternity of Detroit, Michigan. The government has done everything it its power (like always) to put an end to this and to heed the unfortunate parents.

We have just recently found out where the NSSS is keeping their headquarters. It actually wasn’t hard to find, it was the only building with a pile of burning clothes on the front lawn. Word on the headquarters of the NTSS has yet to be discovered, but we have had a few tips. Just lately, news of nude three year olds running on a rambunctious rampage through out New York City, have been called in by concerned citizens.

Rumors of the NTSS and the NSSS have cam in that the groups plan on expanding themselves to the NESS (National Elders Streaking Society). The U.S. plans to use as many precautions to this threat as possible. They have started relocating the public’s population of anyone age 50 and older, and anyone who has shown signs of belonging to the undeclared group to other countries where they will be shot down on the spot. Everybody must do their part in effort to end these monstrosities of children. We have opened up support clinics to those parents of the bare minded children running around our streets. We also have opened up a fundraiser to help parents pay for all the charges pressed against their kids for public exposure. All donations can be made to the PBBC (Parents of Bare Back Children). Please, if you have any information on these teenagers and toddlers, please contact our offices. We also have a witness protection agency ready if anyone doesn’t feel safe passing on this information





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Amanda B. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 24, 2009 at 12:58 am
I love that! It was so hilarious.
 
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