Searching for something that isn't there, grasping for something only I could see. Wanting the stars I can never have, like so many things. Sick of grief and wanting love. I need the sky, I need it in my mind and in my heart--or is it just the stars I need? The way the wind takes everything but what I want it to take? A throbbing pain that I can't feel, but somehow want to, just to feel some emotion besides the wanting. But I can't have it, because what is it really? Something so clear in my imagination that it's here in front of me, always just out of my reach, always. Never any hope, no matter how hard I try, how far I reach. A light so bright it's blinding me, but the night is so dark, as dark as the day. A sea of refreshing water that quenches my thirst, but the sea is so dry, as dry as the night in the north pole. A whisper so loud it deafens me, but the whisper is so quiet, as quiet as the air itself, and the air is so hot, it burns me, but but the air is so cold, as cold as dry ice. And the silence is so loud I cannot stand it. The stars above me are spinning so fast, they blur into one big circle of unbelievable brightness and I am swept up with it in a dream of shimmering love and truth and it is so loud, filled with amazing music that soars from the heavens with the falling stars, my heartbeat matching the beat of everything around me, and that is the entire universe. Over the lush green grass and under the black night and bright stars, there I am. What else is there in the universe but this? Everything and nothing.
Everything and Nothing
November 13, 2008