If I could describe my heart to you, you'd surely be sickened. You'd look away, disgusted by the rotting mass that is my life. The putrid smell of self hate radiates off of me and enters into your soul, making your body cringe with every tear that leaves my eyes. I am powerless, there is nothing I can do about my suffering or yours except to recede into the lonely abyss that keeps everyone else safe. No one can be hurt if I leave them alone, if I keep it all within. Yet, you stay. And you touch my shoulder, sending foreign chills down my spine, and I back away. No, don't touch me. You'll catch this disease. Please, I can do this on my own. I can. And I back away, falling into the reapers outstretched arms, excepting his cold embrace and letting go of everything. His face, hidden, seems to whisper a promise of relief, a permanent solution to this desperate situation. And you watch with a painful expression, unsure of what to do. You reach out, but I refuse to take hold and take you down with me. I don't want to hurt you. Deep down in this decaying heart of mine I love you, and I will not take you down with me. And I lay here in the reapers arms listening to his soft, melodic voice singing to me days of peace. Levitating out of his arms, he looks up to me, and his face is revealed, and I can no longer move. A hideous, skinless, bloodless, expression stares at me, waiting for me to finally let go. The blood oozes from the the cuts all throughout my body. Intwining paths of red ooze pour into the reaper, and as my life drifts away, and I let go, his singing grows more addictive, and I cut deeper. I'm ready, please, please take me. Suddenly, I'm jerked from my nirvana and your face appears, blood splattered, and crying. A white room, restraints, and your love seeping from your eyes. The reaper lurks in the back corner of the room, still softly singing, and I let go, yet no release comes. He chuckles and disappears, and I am left with pain and regret. I should've done it quicker, deeper, faster. That night, I should've danced and sang with the reaper, but you wouldn't let me.