A not so looney tale

October 22, 2008
By Anonymous

In a place where time and space don’t matter, Oliver Darsing found that sometimes he wished his life could be measured in increments other than the ratings he received from being on television. The situation Oliver faces daily is the fact that he is not acting in a studio which appears on television, but physically in the television. He can be seen most days, around noon, produced by a company which began airing on television in the 1930's, for Oliver Darsing is on Looney Toons. Every day he lives is physically unable to be measured by time, with night indistinguishable from day and the inexistence of exhaustion. Oliver is not the classic Looney Toon seen, such as Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck, he is a Looney Toon who works behind the scenes, an assistant to those who need him. Everyday work for the actor turned assistant included calling 'toons' to set and helping fix the glitches in script dialogue, but all of this changed one day when Oliver found himself in a situation he could never walk away from the same again.
One evening after the work crew finished filming of yet another episode of the popular children's show, Oliver was called to one of the Toon's trailers to fix a common problem: a toilet which had been clogged. He arrived to find that the toilet simply would not flush and could not see anything wrong in the plumbing and immediately began to suspect foul play. As he walked the outlying areas of the trailer, he noticed a basketball snuggly placed between the pipe leading from the trailer, and the ground on which the trailer was placed upon. Oliver was scanning the perimeter around him, taking careful notice of any nearby Toons when he saw the mischievous Hamburglar and his gang giggling from behind the trailer of Bugs Bunny. Deciding against his better judgment of ignoring the miscreants, Oliver began to walk toward the juveniles and chased them off into the nearby land, home to fast food mascots. Shrugging this off, Oliver resumed approaching the basketball and began to tug on the object as if his will to live relied on whether or not the basketball remained under the trailer. Then, as if someone had pushed it out from under the pipe, the basketball shot toward Oliver and threw him backwards onto the concrete, instantly knocking him out cold.
In Oliver's numb state of mind he began to feel as though he was in a new world, one where he required sleep at night, and could not simply bounce from one location to another. It wasn’t until he looked around that he realized this was not the same New York he had seen in movies and television. At the risk of being trampled, Oliver was forced to join in with the scrambling citizens and it took almost an hour before he was able to ask a man hiding next to a buildings stairwell what was going on. The man informed Oliver that the president had issued a state of emergency. According to the man, who Oliver noticed looked nothing like any creature he had ever seen, there had been an uncontrolled outbreak of the Krippin Virus, which causes the victim to turn into a zombie like creative. As the city began to grow silent Oliver realized the assault on New York City had begun. No longer would the city ever be the same as every single inhabitant of the "Big Apple" was mauled by the carriers of the Krippin Virus, consequently either killing each plagued citizen or turning them into the ruthless monster they were fleeing from. Almost instantly, Oliver inadvertently made eye contact with a beast and found himself in a high speed chase, looking for some way to escape from its wrath. Then, as if his prayers were answered, he felt an immediate sensation of cold water engulfing his entire body.
Oliver awakened to find that his entire episode in New York had in fact been a dream he had while in his unconscious trance. The fear Oliver felt while facing the world he had believed to be so much better than his own made him ever regret longing to experience anything other than what he called home. Never again would Oliver complain of his life being immeasurable by something other than the quantity of stars.

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