With One Gust

October 14, 2008
As the tears streamed down my face the leaves hit the ground around me. They swirled in the wind unnoticed by many. The skies began to cry along with me as droplets of water trickled from it. It was the first time I had cried since he had died. Reality had finally sunk in. I gazed around at the surrounding people. Everyone was in black; all of them sobbed as we watched them lower him into the ground.

The preacher spoke in a monotone voice, “Today we put to rest Vincent Fred Douglas. To some he was a son, a brother, to others, a best friend, but to all, he was an outstanding young boy. Today we mourn the loss of this young teenager. We all know what a great young man he was and although we are all sad we know he would not want us to be. He would want us to be happy instead, for every sixty seconds you spend unhappy is another minute of happiness you will never get back. He would want us to know he is in a better place now.”

I thought to myself, sure he would want me to be happy but without him I will never be happy. I don’t want to be happy right now, I want to be with him. I want him to be here on earth. I just want to rewind back to three days ago when I was still in his arms. I thought to myself and wondered two things. Why do we live? Why do we have to die?

Almost immediately after asking these questions the preacher responded. “We are all put on this earth to serve a purpose. God is here to follow us in our journeys and adventures while we are here. When we die we go into Gods hands. Once there we help the ones we left on this earth with their journeys. We live to find who we are supposed to be. We are alive not only for ourselves, but for others. We are here to help guide others down the path we call life. Some believe we live to find love.”

At that moment, I froze. My heart stopped. Everything stopped. I had loved him. In fact, I still love him. He was the reason I lived. He was the one guiding me down that path. He was that one.

Suddenly, I became filled with anger. I was fuming inside, but outside I stood still as if a statue. We aren’t alive for any of the reasons the man had explained we were here for. No, I thought to myself, no. We were here not for those reasons. The earth was once a hot shapeless nuclear cloud at one trillion degrees. At its peak temperature it exploded expanding the universe. When it began to cool the particles hooked to one another and formed simple atoms. Eventually atoms combined forming simple organisms. From there on the simple organisms became more and more complex. Organisms evolved as the centuries passed. Eventually we formed in to humans and here we are today. We are alive simply to continue evolving and to continue on with life.

“Eventually, life must come to an end,” the pastor continued, “Everything good has to come to an end, unfortunately it ended sooner than we had wanted for him. His life will continue on in heaven though and he will not be forgotten here. For Vincent, it is a new beginning and though physically he will not be with us, he will always be with us it spirit and in soul. He will never be forgotten for his life while here on earth and will always be in our hearts.”

He was right about one thing, that all life has to come to an end. We aren’t meant to live on forever; physically our bodies just can’t handle that. Our bodies can only handle a certain amount of years before it burns and crashes. Yes this is a cruel and harsh way to put it but it is the plain and honest truth. Some people’s bodies can last eighty even eighty five years, while others can only last seventeen.
Everyone began to walk away with their heads down wishing this never had happened. They walked away reminiscing about the past when he was still here. They thought of the happy times when they were with him. Walking away was the one thing I felt impossible to do. Walking away meant never seeing him again. It meant never being together again. I closed my eyes as the wind blew my hair in every direction. I stood there with him but only for a split second in my mind. The wind blew whispering my name as it passed by my body. With that one gust he was gone. My eyes opened.
I began to cry harder and harder, as I cried the skies opened up dumping the out rain. I stood there, alone. Alone, the one thing I had never pictured. The only pictures that had ever appeared in my head were ones with him. They were pictures of everything that I had ever dreamed of and now those pictures were everything that could and would never happen. I felt empty. I had no one left in this world to turn to. Now I would have to face the world by myself and without him by my side. I fell to the ground right next to where he lay. I whispered one last time, “I love you.”
I walked away with only the leaves and wind surrounding me. They were the only things physically there for me. I thought for the last time about the pastor’s speech. Sure, the pastor did have the better story in comparison to mine. Why you might ask, because his story has a happy ending. Anyone would choose his story over mine simply because that is what everyone wants, a happy ending. Well sometimes the truth hurts and doesn’t have that happy ending. This is where I am now, leaving my happy ending buried, underground where he will stay forever.
Everyone always says you don’t know what you have until it is gone. It is hard to imagine the overwhelming truth of this statement.

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