Backseat Drivers

October 15, 2008
By Anonymous

To you, my dear friend, the back seat driver, I would like to thank you. For if it weren’t for you, I just might have gotten in a car crash, gotten lost, or be dead. Your constant reminders as I drive have kept me on my toes, and ready for anything. You’ve also taught me numerous things I probably never would have known without you.

Sometimes as I drive, I get a little bored. Luckily, I often have you in my car, telling me every other minute how I have to turn soon, how I have to get over NOW, and how I should have went the other way because you think it’s faster. You always have the best timing when you say something, and for that I’m so grateful. We’ll be at the very best part of my favorite song, and you’ll offer your advice. I understand that waiting until my favorite song is over, would prevent me from speeding up to get in front of “that guy,” and I realize now, thanks to you, that no song is worth being behind someone you don’t think drives well. When it comes to animals on the road, I’d still think I was supposed to hit them had you not informed me! I am so glad you told me this, because I would have intentionally murdered numerous animals.

In addition to your great advice, I also appreciate the new routes you teach me when we drive. Although I have tried practically every route to get from my house to yours, and concluded which one was best, I am wrong. You are always right. I am foolish to think even for one minute that the way I like to drive is a good route. I’m very appreciative that you suggest you route, numerous times, telling me to get over, “TURN HERE!”, “TURN HERE!”, “TUUUUURN!”, but that’s not all. The best part is how you remind me how the way I went is completely out of the way, and how I should have listened to you because we’d be there already. I would like to apologize for all the times I took my own route and it may have cost us an extra twenty seconds. With your help, I have discovered that by taking your routes, I save twenty to thirty seconds. How crazy of me to think that the driver of the car should take the way she likes to get somewhere, how crazy.

Other than the quickest routes, I also was unaware that you had to changed lanes when you drive a car. I did not know that if the person in front of you is driving too slowly, you should pass him. I was not aware of the fact that you were supposed to go on green, or honk if the person in front of you isn’t going on green. You have pointed out all these tidbits on driving information and I am certain to be a better driver because of it.
I am amazed by your expertise, and how you will make sure I hear you loud and clear. If I’m on my cell phone, clearly having an important conversation, you are not too shy to interrupt and inform me it’s a 45 miles per hour speed limit, not 40 miles per hour. You remind me of my parents or driver’s education instructor, which is a very helpful thing. I’ve only been driving for over a year, and even though I’ve had my license longer than you, you are far more educated. I would be completely out of my mind if I thought that more than a year of driving by myself was long enough to not get bossed around more. I am so lucky I have you as a friend to teach me that you can never be bossed around enough. Thank you for that valuable lesson. I could have thought that I had som e freedom when it came to the road, but you showed me different, as long as you are in my car while I’m driving, there is no such thing as freedom. There is your way, and no other. Whoever thinks otherwise, is plain dumb.
Without you in my car, I probably would never get anywhere. I don’t know how I manage without you; I really can’t understand how I get to places without you! And with your help, I have come to understand how much longer my drives would take me if I continued going nine over instead of ten. I also learned that you have a sixth sense; you can always tell if a cop is going to be around or not. This is one of your best qualities, because since you are always right about everything, you must be right about cop radar as well! I’m sure that even if I did get pulled over by a police officer, I could explain to him that you told me I had to speed a little more and reassured me there weren’t any cops in this area. He’d definitely understand that, I mean he probably could take one look at you and understand you are perfect and always right.
I at times wonder if you should be a teacher for your future career. You are very good at telling everyone what to do, and only accepting things your way. You should probably be a high school teacher, because elementary school teachers have to be kind and considerate even if the student makes a mistake. But those elementary school teachers are stupid, as you have shown me, if someone makes a mistake you must bite off their head. I recall the time I did not blow the yellow as it was turning red, how frustrated you got with me. At first, I was extremely aggravated by you for scolding me and complaining how we had to wait so long for the light to change again. As I thought deeper into the situation, I just understood that you know everything that is right and just want to push that onto me. It’s not like if I had blown that light, someone from the other light could have jumped the light, potentially hitting me. That type of things happens only once in a while, and it’s worth the gamble if I can get you where you want to go faster.
So my very dear friend I am very grateful for all the information you have given me and all that you have taught me. I am so blessed to have a friend like you to backseat drive my car, I am clearly not a good enough driver, but with you in my backseat, together we make an excellent driving team.

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