The Miricle of Health

September 30, 2008
Two seniors, guilty as charged in the crime of releasing the science teacher's snakes into a crowded gymnasium, sat quietly, awaiting their punishment outside the principal's office. They looked on gravely as a freshman emerged from the dark of the health room across the hall and fled toward the bathrooms.

"Mrs. Smith is showing her human reproduction video again," observed the first senior.
"I pray daily that no student should ever be subjected to that kind of cruelty," the second senior said. "Yet marking periods come an go, and still students are forced to watch videos of..."

"Things," volunteered the first senior.

"Swimming around in..."

"Stuff. Yeah. I've never been able to look at my guppies the same way since."

"If they made us watch that movie again, I'd commit homicide-suicide with a CPR dummy."

"I'd tear my eyeballs out and use them to plug my ears."

There was a pause. Then the first senior said:

"You know, homicide-suicide is one person murdering another, then killing themself to escape punishment."

"Or, in this case, to escape a deep voice explaining in a monotone things we never wanted to know in the first place in very technical terms."

Both seniors looked up as the freshman staggered up to the health room door, too sick-to-the-stomach to run, too horrified to enter.

"Courage, young one," the second senior said.

"This too shall pass," added the first.

"Go to Heck," the freshman snapped, opening the health room door. "When you get there, may Mrs. Smith make you take notes."

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