I remember he was tall, curly hair,blue eyes and he was always getting hurt.He had a tattoo in his back it was this wierd sign, and in his arm he had one that had my name on it. He protected me alot he'd always say "Don't let boys touch you" or "you can't have a boyfriend until you're 18" or "Remember i'm like your dad and your mom because they dont exist. I am also your brother and your best friend." He'd also say "don't have sex or do drugs" I didn't even understand what he meant with that. He'd always drink Apple juice soda and get all crazy then after a while he'd fall asleep. He'd always used to burn paper and put it on his mouth. Ewww! At night he'll always tuck me in bed and tell me stories. some of the stories were funny, stupid, boring, exciting,sad or encouraging. When I got nightmares he'd always comfort me and make me feel better. When I get hurt and cried he'll cry with me, in a funny way just to make me laugh. sometimes we took journey's "tending businesses" he had to fix. They were long walks in the woods and I had to be outside waiting for him because I coudn't enter in the room. Sometimes you heard noises of fireworks but he'll always have me close to his chest so that i wouldn't get scared. One day he told me "sis' come here... I gotta go somewhere. I don't know what time i'm coming back. I love you! Take care of your self, be carefull don't open the door AT ALL! If you need something, I told the nieghbors too keep an eye on you. Remember what I told you about boys OK! I leave you alot of food. Remember this no matter were I am. I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!" He gave me a kiss in the forehead and said goodbye. He never came back! I began to miss him. My nieghbors adopted me. when I cried my neighbors didn't cry with me. When I had nightmares they didn't comfort me they told me to go to sleep! they never told me anything about boys either. I liked my nieghbors but just for that. I wanted to go back home with my brother. Then, one day I asked my nieghbors where's my brother. They said "In heaven" I got so excited and told them that I wanted to visit him "Can't we go to heaven. It's probaly not that far maybe only ten minutes. They told me heaven is really far until your heart stops beating you can't go there. I didn't understand it at all. I remember one day my brother told me when I felt alone, no one to talk too not even him. When I felt that no one understanded me. He told me to go to a corner, knee down and ask for God. He told me to tell him my problems and ask him for stuff. He said he can help me alot. So I did that and told God that I wanted to see my brother and that if my nieghbors can try to understand me. That night I remember dreaming and seeing my brother in my dreams. I told him all my problems and I huged him and so did he. In my dreams he tucked me in my bed and HE CRIED WITH ME TOO!It's now been ten years from when that happened and I am now 18. My nieghbors moved. I now understand everything my brother did. The advices were to protect me. The wierd sign was the gang sign. The apple juice soda was beer. And the burning paper were ciggarets. When i'd go tend businesses with him it was the gang stuff. The firework noises was gun shots. The day he left and never came back was the day he died, and heaven is not close YOU GOTTA DIE FOR THAT! I had a brother who loved me. He made the wrong decisions, but told me not to do them because he knew it was wrong. All he did was love me and protect me. As the same way I love him too, I wish he was still alive now because I miss him. Now all I do is dream with him and there's always this light by me and I know it's him. Even though I am alone I get by every day trying not to make the same mistake my brother did. And keep dreaming life with my future.
After So Much Care.... He's Gone
September 29, 2008