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Circle of Feet
I don't really fit in with them. They are the popular preppy girls I watch from afar. Just wishing I could be like them, get a taste of it. Janie I know pretty well.
Arianna too but now she hardly talks to me. Isabella I've seen never talked to. I walk over to the table, plate in hand. "...fries are better today..." Isabella says. The part of the conversation I catch I hold onto. I can't let that go. I sit by Janel and Stevi. Just wait until I'm almost done.
Then I make my move. I take my bag, my binder, my books and move towards them. I sit next to Janie and wait for someone to say something.
"So what sick thing do you want to talk about today?" she asks. I swallow hard, I made stupid jokes the last two times I had this opportunity and this one isn't slipping through my fingers.
"I don't want to talk about sick things. I just wanted to see how you were doing." "I'm fine...algebra totally sucks though," Janie replies. Isabella keeps eating her chicken sandwich while Arianna ignores my presence.
After five minutes of silence they are done with their lunch. I am so nervous my food is the way it was when I brough it. Isabella and Janie split the fries while I nibble at the burger.
Arianna knows what I'm doing though and she asks, "How come you are always with us during lunch?" My heart beats faster and faster. If she figures it out and tells someone...I'll be labeled as a wannabe for the rest of high school.
"Well I'm just so stressed out. I mean I have homework to do and all these club meetings. I just want to make time for you guys." Arianna shrugs ignoring me and putting herself into the rock song her ipod is blasting.
I know I am losing them and I almost cry out with joy when Janie says, "Want to go walking with us?" I nod vigorously and throw the remains of my lunch away. I have always wanted to do this thing. Walking. With no intention of going somewhere just "crusin'" and in a school of all places.
Janie though needs headphones from her friend Christine so we wait. Alone with Isabella and Arianna is risky but I can't stalk Janie...she can't be a crutch. We wait and then instead of "walking" we stand in the shade with Janie even though Arianna is itching to go.
Willow comes along and greets me. I like her but she is more of Arianna's friend. A little bit Janie. Arianna pulls her to the side and starts whispering, chattering, laughing, giggling. I don't know what to do. If I back down I'm done for but if I say something I'm planning.
So I chose the easy way out and complain about my phone. The black bulk that I lug around in my pocket and how jealous I am of the nice sleek cell phones and ipods. Janie laughs and smiles while Isabella mouths the words to the song she is listening to.
Willow leaves and Arianna returns then I look down at our feet. They are wearing flip flops, ballet shoes while I have bulky old sneakers. Their feet are closed, perfectly fitting together. While mine make an unshapely "L". Our clothes aren't even the same.
That's when I realize this isn't my circle of feet. I want something different. I want lopsided "L"s and weird "V"s I dont' want this right now. I can come back to it. Lunch ends before I can catch up with Stevie and Janel but its okay.
I always have tomorrow not to let slip through my fingers. But one day I would like to visit that circle of feet again. The ones perfectly fitting together.