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Crashing Down

Everyone surrounds me. Talking and laughing. The forest surrounds the hill and road we are on. The trees hang over us, hiding us away. The sun attempts to peek through their stubborn branches.

My body feels like a balloon on a compressed air machine, filling up and up. Until I reach the popping point where I burst.

Everything is not just all right, how can the people around me fool themselves saying it is.

My Love stands a few feet away, my best guy friend is talking with him. They are the only people that would notice anything, so I turn on my heel while they are distracted with conversation.

My footsteps speed up, until I am at a full sprint. My legs push off from the ground over and over again. The adrenaline rush is nothing compared to the rush of tears falling from my eyes and flailing desperately from my face.

Once I feel as though I have gone far enough, I fall into a mess of bones and skin on the ground. My arms reach around me as I continue to sob. My hands desperately reach for my shoulders to have a grasp on something, anything. My forehead presses hard against my knees, my tears soak my paints with the saltwater.

Arms wrap around me, a soft hushing sounds in my ear. My body starts to shake. I try to silence my sobs, which makes them worse, catching in my throat for a moment.

I know whose arms they are, just from the scent alone.

I try to push him off of me, I don't want help, I don't need it, I don't want anyone ever seeing me like this.

Anger at myself fills my chest. I scream out, my self hatred overwhelming. The arms hold tighter, and I don't know what to do. I am choked by sobs, my body is convulsing, unable to take so much pure emotion.

I turn, into his chest instead of trying to face away. I squint my eyes, not wanting to meet his eyes. Fear wracks my body. Fear of his thoughts, because even though he has not judged me before, he could start.

I cry harder, and wrap my arms around my body, leaving his embrace. I turn away sharply. I hurt too much. I want to get rid of the pain. And only one way seems obvious.

I stand up, pushing away from my Love, and start running again. I know where the cliffs are here. My head races faster than my feet are moving. I hear his feet behind me, and my heart pounds fast. As I reach the cliff, my mind empties. Everything I was feeling drains from me, I lose all of my energy.

Sitting down, I stare out at the waterway beneath me, the huge lake vast.

I hear his footsteps slow as he sees me. His arms reach under me, and scoop me up. I finally look into his eyes. They look at my face, full of compassion. I lay my head on his chest, too exhausted to worry about anything, even being too heavy. I feel light as air, and forget the world surrounding us. He carries me back through where we ran.

And it all fades to black as I fall asleep.




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