Larry The Locker

May 3, 2013
Hello, my name is Larry and for those of you who don’t know me, I am a locker. Oh I know what you are thinking, being a locker is such an easy job, but I am here to tell you otherwise. I guess I should start by giving you a little background on myself. Well, I come from a long line of metal storage containers. My great great grandfather was the first vault in Peoples Trust Bank, although now it’s known as Bank of America. My great grandfather was a foot locker during World War II. Once he even took a bullet; I don’t know, something about a frozen lock. I never did get the entire story. My dad is currently employed at Extra Space Storage. The company hires him by the month, so some months he is busy and some months he isn’t. About 6 months ago he was on television when Storage Wars filmed at his place of employment. I had no idea my dad was so strong. I was amazed by all the things my dad could hold.

So this brings you to me. I have been at this school for well over 30 years now. As I said before, being a locker is no easy task. Do you have any idea how hurtful it is when you are a 22-39-12, and the locker next to you stands proud at a 36-24-36? And talk about abuse; I’ve been slammed, kicked, punched and just all around mistreated. I’ve been the object for threats of physical violence. An example, “if you don’t stop, I’ll put your head through that locker.”

All I ever want to do is help to make your life a little easier. I will hold your coat, your homework when you do it, your lunch, and yes, even your gym clothes. And while we are on that topic, please bring those gym clothes home. I’m no garden, and they don’t smell like roses.

So the next time you are standing in front of me, use me, don’t abuse me. If there is an afterlife, and with recycling you just never know, you yourself may one day be a locker.

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