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The Descent

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The darkness comes and swirls around me. The black billowing clouds engulf everything. I feel it tugging at my soul. It saps the happiness and joy from my lungs and leaves pain and sorrow within my heart.

In the corner I see death, his robes as black as a moonless night. Underneath his hood I see the wretched remains of a face. His eyes taunt me as I search for them inside their once warm residences. Still, I see nothing, only the absence of human kindness.

He raises his skeletal hand over my form. I feel its full power looming over me. I sense its crushing force.

Then down, down I fall into the never ending abyss. The walls move in, in until they slice open my skin on their jagged edges. The blood flows from my veins, into the open air. As it hits the walls which summoned it, I see the liquid turn to spark, then to flame. The fire’s red teeth lunge at me. They quickly gain ground. It comes closer, closer, closer, and closer still.

Then my legs erupt with searing pain. The red hot, rusty knives carve into my body. I scream and scream, but it does not help. It seems as if my howls are as silent as the darkest bowels of hell.

Finally I fall into the mystic waters which I have fought so long to create within myself. My legs are no longer tattered pieces of meat, but strong limbs which are now fit to carry me one thousand miles. I swim from the island of solitude back to the lands I once called home. Five days in all until my flesh once again felt the solid sand.

Indeed I was back, but I would never be the same.



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This article has 16 comments. Post your own!

nelehjrThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 13, 2013 at 12:57 pm:
Well that was quite interesting. I loved your use of imagery but I didn't quite understand all the metaphors...I'm not that great with metaphors anyhow.
 
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BlackbeltJamesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 3, 2013 at 5:08 pm:
A very interesting piece; I liked how abstract it was, it made it even more intriuging. The imagery was very clever and imaginative, giving it a clear but unique description.
The concept was intelligent and provokes the imagination. The text also inflicts a personal element to the reader as death touches everyone as it is a natural thing, and a philosophical question. This is a very clever piece, but at times the flow of the piece does stop, although it is not a poem, i... (more »)
 
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BookNerd35 said...
May 30, 2013 at 11:47 pm:
Good job! I enjoyed this story, it kept me entertained.
 
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KenyaLove41This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 18, 2013 at 6:08 pm:
Hey there! Overall this was a solid piece. The vague surroundings and nice imagery gave me the sense that this was more poetic than narrative. There was several parts that do need work. "In the corner I see death..." Okay two things here since this is sort of an abstract piece I would recommend that you take out the "in the corner" part. It interrupts the flow and doesn't go with everything else. Secondly, if you're going to personify death then I suggest that you c... (more »)
 
KenyaLove41This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 18, 2013 at 6:14 pm :
 Sorry I wasn't done with this. I have a little more to say! "Then down, down I fall into the never ending abyss. The walls move in, in until they slice open my skin on their jagged edges. The blood flows from my veins, into the open air. As it hits the walls which summoned it, I see the liquid turn to spark, then to flame. The fire’s red teeth lunge at me. They quickly gain ground. It comes closer, closer, closer, and closer still." Quite honestly this part didin'... (more »)
 
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guardianofthestarsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 17, 2013 at 3:27 pm:
The descriptions were breathtaking! I really liked them the best about this particular peice.  It was very good. :)  I rated it 5 stars!!
 
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BeccyFxx said...
May 11, 2013 at 11:35 am:
This is really good - I love the imagry! One thing I would say though if I was being reeeaallyy critical, is that you say at the begining that "the black billowing clouds engulf everything" but then in the next paragraph you say "in the corner". Maybe instead you could say "through the dark fog, I see death" or something like that. Hope I helped!
 
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AugustSummerFlingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 8, 2013 at 9:06 pm:
Hey E.J. :) good job! I some home felt that with a little editing this piece would better suit to be a free verse. The scenes were vivid and full of dark shades. The beginning was a bit vague. Is this an excerpt from a longer piece that you're writing? The imagery was great. Good job n keep it up!
 
E.J.Mathews This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 8, 2013 at 10:51 pm :
Thanks a bunch! I designed it to sound a bit like a darker poem, because the inspiration came from Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven. I also kept the beginning vague on purpose. My hopes were that the reader would merge the narrator's environment with their own.
 
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agneumeyer said...
May 6, 2013 at 10:11 pm:
Excellent piece, a true sketch rather than a story. This is not a bad thing at all, as it is a damn good sketch. Heavy theming and imagery, and a bit of subversion of typical description of torture. Also, I liked the part with the dolphins.
 
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agneumeyer said...
May 6, 2013 at 10:05 pm:
Fantastic work, one of the only stories on Teen Ink that I would describe as more of a sketch than a full blown story, and a damn good sketch at that. Great use of imagery, and while at first it seems like another exercise in torture fantasy, it soon shifts into heavy and deep theming. I like the part with the dolphins.
 
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PotterWhoLocked said...
May 5, 2013 at 8:32 pm:
Wow, this is a really good piece of writing. The imagery and choice of words id great. I think the only thing that could make it better would be to vary the sentence structure a little more, but other than that this is a brilliant work.
 
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BorderlineGenius777 said...
May 3, 2013 at 10:20 am:
Sir, I quite enjoyed this piece. It is truly a work of art to be reckoned with, and it holds true to feelings we have all felt at one time or another. You put those feelings into words with a near perfect fluidity rarely seen in writing today. Wonderful sir, wonderful.
 
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readaholicThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 1, 2013 at 7:20 pm:
Really, amazing.  Your word choice blows me away.  This is really a great description of those all-too familiar feelings.  Exceptional imagery, and....you know, everything else too :)
 
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dragonsandthree said...
Apr. 30, 2013 at 3:47 pm:
This is brilliant! I loved it. This is exactly the kind of thing that I like reading.
 
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KrasotaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 30, 2013 at 3:44 pm:
I love all the imagery in here! This is absolutely beautiful.
 
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