September 5, 2008
“ I will not jump. I will not jump. I will not jump.”

The wind is lifting my hair, playing with me, distracting me from the matter at hand. I look again at the valley sprawled out beneath me. The sun creeps warmly up the horizon, the clouds drift lazily above, all seemingly unaware of the turmoil around me. You call my name again and I struggle not to respond. You say to me,” Jump! I will catch you!” The edge crumbles underneath my feet and my toes instinctively curl around what is left, to keep me grounded. You call out once more, “ Why don't you listen? Don't you love me?” This time I cannot contain myself, “ I do love you, it is because I love you, that I cannot jump! Don't you see? If I let myself jump, what will I do when you walk away and you aren't there to catch me anymore? If I stay here and still love you, I will never feel the impact... No, I cannot jump. I will not jump. You cannot make me!” You respond, “ But how can you love me from your pedestal? I want to love you, and I want you here with me! Jump! I will not walk away!” Tears seep through my shut eyes. I sob and shake my head, “ No, no I just can't...I can't..”

“What? What can't you do? Tell me! Let me help you! With me we can do anything, or die trying!”

“ That's just it! I can't die! Is it really worth it? I love you, but I can't trust you to take care of me... How do I know you'll be there? When I call for you, will you always answer? When I need you, where will you be? Will you grow tired of my company and bored with my troubles and mistakes? Yes! Everyone else has! How is this any different? How do I know?!?!” I have been screaming hysterically up until now, and everything grows quite. You look up at me, up on my cliff, where I have been steadily backing away from the edge, away from the jump, and whisper.

“You can't know. You have to believe that my love for you is enough. Believe that I can take care of you, no matter what comes our way. Believe in me!” Your voice is steadily sofenting, and it begins to rain, I can barely grasp your words through the thundering. “ I love you, I have always loved you, I WILL always love you. Jump. Be with me. Love me. Let me love you.”

The rain is now pouring down, masking my tears. I close my eyes once again, breathe deeply, and.... walk away.

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