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I stood in the center of my room. Everything surrounding me was perfect. No clothes covered the floor, no books scattered across my desk, and no CDs left forgotten in strange places. I had my bed made neatly, along with the rest of my things. Even further, my closet, unlike any I've ever seen, was organized in every way possible. There was nothing growing under my bed. There was nothing under my bed. All was perfect. And I hated it.
Of course I would have never come to this conclusion without help. Maybe it was more so I hated him than the realization my life was meaningless. If anyone should know better than to listen to someone like him, it would be myself. Stupid boy.
I sighed. Now that I knew my life is pointless, maybe I should make pointless noises to emphasize the pointlessness of it all. I glanced up at my mirror opposite my bed as I plopped down on it. Yeah, just what I thought. There was a vacancy to my eyes, just like he said. Stupid boy.
Of course, who would notice the one flaw when it was hidden so well? I mean, they'd have to look past everything to see it. Unless they were purposely looking for it. As I stared harder at my reflection, I began to see other flaws. After a while the girl in the mirror was more a stranger than anything else. Her hair was too straight. Her eyes were too wide, her lips too pink. Her skin was too pale. A pasty, sickly pale. And while I stared longer, there was something else I couldn't put my finger on that just wasn't right. Stupid girl.
A knock on my door brought me back to the world along with a familiar voice. "Mandi?"
The door squeaked as it was opened to reveal the interrupter. Carson stood with one hand on the door frame with her other on the knob while she leaned into my sanctuary. She stepped in with a weary smile.
"Hey, how are you doing?" she questioned with true concern.
"The same as I was earlier." I replied. "I'm fine."
I tried to return the smile but the best I could do was a grimace. I put it away quickly.
I moved aside on my bed and encouraged her to come closer. Slower than usual she sat next to me with her legs pulled into herself. We sat for a moment with neither of us anything to say.
"He's a jerk you know." She said breaking the silence. After a second I replied.
"I know." I looked up then. She was obviously not comfortable with the situation though I didn't want to acknowledge there was one at all.
He is a jerk. A jerk that I just couldn't get out of my head! His words echoed over and over again. The expressions of his face wouldn't leave my eyes alone. I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks as I replayed the scene again. She must have noticed.
"So, do you feel like a smoothie?" she slipped back into her normal cheerfulness.
"Yeah." I tried the smile again and this time it was better. I let it stay now.
With one last glance at the stranger in the mirror, we left.
As I sat across from my best friend sipping on my strawberry-banana smoothie, I realized something. She of all people should know me. Right?
"Carson?" I asked cautiously. She glanced up from her cell phone to look at me.
I thought about how to say it. About how to ask her. Wow, I feel like an idiot.
"Um, do you think he was right?" I nervously tucked my hair behind my ear and rushed on. "I mean, do you think there's any truth to what he said?"
I watched her as different emotions flashed on her face until she finally stuck with one. She looked down while playing with her straw, I'm sure thinking of how to phrase her answer. After an eternity it seemed, I couldn't take it anymore.
"Okay, I'll take that as a yes. God, what's wrong with me?"
She was quick to answer now. She reached over and grabbed my arm while looking into my eyes.
"Nothing, Mandi. Do you hear me? Nothing is wrong with you." She let go of my arm and seemed to calm down a bit.
"He's just a jerk and you know it. Why on earth would you ever let someone like that get to you?" I knew she was right. I knew it shouldn't bother me but...
"I just can't get him out of my head. God, that idiot won't go away!" I then pushed my smoothie aside no longer in the mood for it.
Carson was back texting on her cell as she continued.
"He's such a loser," she laughed. "I mean, have you seen him?"
I knew what she was trying to do but what she was saying was just so shallow. Just like he said, I thought to myself.