Tomus and the Dragon

August 21, 2008
By Trevor Eakes, Dupont, WA

Tomus and the Dragon

A long, long time ago in a medieval place lived a young lad named Tomus…

Though a young lad Tomus may be he had been through much weather and strife. His Face depicted that of an older man who had suffered much. Despite the trying times Tomus had once faced he still had the most curious smile and an ere of laughter one simply could not ignore. His had a very joking nature, perhaps to much so, but none the less he was a pleasant man to be around and cared much for the sake of others. He had his good hair days when his spiky inconspicuous Mohawk looked as if it could slice of your very head. It was on a very day like this when a messenger came ridding into the small but dangerous gangster town of Parklania, seeking the great and daring Trevus who was the powerful rich son of the duke. He rode fast and with great speed to deliver a message from the King of Spanaway, Fredrick, himself. Sadly upon taking a few strides into the town of Parklania he was mugged on spot, dragged away, and robbed of all his gold and silver. He was never seen again.

The lad named Tomus happened to be in the area of the robbery and, because he cared for the man he went in search of him. He had not gone far however when he stumbled upon a muddied scroll neatly rapped in a fine golden ribbon lying in the path where the man had been dragged of. Tomus reached down and scooped up the parchment wiping it clean from the dirt that stained it. He unrolled it, eager to discover its contents. It read:

My charming, strong, brave friend… “It must be for me!” Tomus thought. I am distraught to inform you that my castle has once again been plundered by the terrible Dragon, Arkose. He has taken my sweet daughter, Alina, and stolen her away to his far cave high in the mountains near the village of Parklainia. If you or anyone else is brave enough to rescue her then you shall be rewarded greatly. From your friend,


“I don’t recall having a friend named Freddy.” Tomus exclaimed. But still if it’s my friend that needs help then I’ll do it!” He thought. With that He began packing his things. He saddled his small, old mare, whom he called Charlie, and bid his friends farewell. This did not take long as he but few friends in the first place. After getting mugged and loosing all his possessions on the way out he rode of into the dark and stormy night.

Because of Tomus’ excellent street smarts he was able to skillfully navigate the twisted bumping roads without incident. The following day the sun came out and a few little birdies flew by. As he walked along a timid yet strange looking traveler began walking beside Tomus. He had a long crinkled nose and walked with a cane by his side. Finally Tomus spoke up. “How goes your travels?” He said with a strange sort of crazy, gleeful smile. “I have traveled far and wide youngster.” He spoke in a most quiet sort of sweet, peaceful voice. He sounded like a nice old man. “I have seen much.” After a pleasant conversation Tomus departed with a “Well, Good day sir.” The man stopped and paused staring at Tomus from under his traveler’s hood. He jumped a surprising height throwing of his hood in the process. He had long crinkled, almost girl like, gray hair. I AM A WOMAN!” She screeched. After several powerful whacks over the head from the cane Tomus fled the scene. Surprisingly she decided to give chase and was gaining on him with an unexplainable speed. After dodging several shurikens and throwing knives, hurled at him with great accuracy, he finally managed to hide himself in a small patch of reeds. The woman ran past waving her hands in the air, shouting and raving as she went.

The following day, after mending the minor concussions to his head Tomus set of once more to rescue the fair damsel from Arkose. He now entered the Espanola Mountains. Great forests emerged filled with pleasant, cute little animal life. They were very good animals; so good Tomus had a few for dinner that night. After licking his licks and disposing of the baby bunny carcasses he pitched camp. The night was dark and unpleasant and he heard yelling and people shouting “Piñata! Piñata!” The following day he continued up, spotting several cute little Mehican villages with small little toys and candy.

As he continued on he came upon an old weathered bridge suspended over a high canyon. A line of about 15 people stretched from this bridge. As this was the only way to the princess he stood in line and waited. After a passing of 15min he asked what they were all waiting for. “The bridge keeper” They replied, “Because the bridge is not yet open.” At that moment a wrinkly, old man, or it could have been a woman, hobbled out in front of the bridge. He had tattered old clothes and did not look like the friendly type. Then first man walked up to him. He seemed brave, gallant, and spoke in a deep voice. I do not fear ye bridge keeper. Ask away. “Very well.” He croaked. “I will ask three questions. Answer them and you shall pass. What is your name?” “Sir Charmalot.” “What is your quest?” I seek Freddy’s princess.” “What… Is the capital of Jamaica?” “Well, I don’t know!” And with that a powerful force seemed to rip him from were he stood and hurled him over into the canyon and he was never seen again.

The next man went up and was asked similar questions. After failing to answer the last one he too was hurled over the edge. This continued with one man trembling in fear so much he even forgot his own name, until there was but one man left, Tomus. “What is your name?” “Sir Tomus.” “What is your quest?” “I seek Freddy’s princess. “What... is Fifty Cent’s real name?” “First or last, Homee?” “Well I don’t know!” shouted the bridge keeper. And with that he was hurled over never to be seen again. Now Tomus managed to cross the bridge and stood safely on the other side. With the competition out of the way he continued on until coming upon a small group of peasants.

“Good day fare peasants.” “Como chika neva leonton kumbrea lavay un so.” They yelled. Although they were clearly ticked of and heavily armed, carrying pitch forks, clubs, butcher knives, submachinguns and even a flamethrower Tomus felt compelled to try his Spanish on them. “Donday ooma el lopedro sunarreta comrio. Although he had little idea what he said he felt he had indeed communicated what had happened the previous day. However, what the peasants heard was, “My grandma has bigger muscles then you.” With this they looked even more outraged and began shouting, waving their weapons at him. “Coma unsa la pedro su.” Tomus said. And although he thought he was telling them how he was really feeling the peasants heard, “You smell really bad too.” After playing what Tomus thought to be a friendly game of tag with knives and flamethrowers all day Tomus was tired. They had chased him all the way to the top of the mountain. To ovoid the peasants he decided to hide in a fare cave with an unusually large opening. As he traveled deeper in the sound of the angry mob shouting death threats began to fade away and was replaced by the sound of a faint breeze. It sounded like the cave itself was breathing. Limestone stalagmites hung from the ceiling and a faint driping could be heard. Strange, Tomus thought. As he continued on a little ways more the sound became louder and more powerful. Suddenly, Tomus rounded a corner and there lying on top of the huge pile of gold and silver lay the power dragon, Arkose.

Tomus quietly crept down to were the dragon slept. He had heard of dragons but never had actually laid eyes on one until today. Suddenly he fell, tripped by a golden goblet. The goblet flew backwards knocking down a pile of precious items. They cascaded down making a ruckus that shook the cavern as they went. With a mighty roar the dragon rose, a puff of smoke shooting out of his nose. “WHO dares disturb my slumber!?” bellowed the dragon.
“It is I, the fare Tomus. I have come to rescue Alina.”
“You seek what you can not have!” The dragon rumbled.
“I will fight if I must!” Upon hearing this the dragon gave a sinister laugh and reached down to grab something behind him. He pulled out what looked to be a weapon of some kind and aimed it at Tomus. He pushed a button and out popped… SPEAKERS? “Walk off!” the dragon roared. The dragon turning the boom box on to a funky beat and did a quick jig. Filled with the funky fresh power that is Tomus, Tomus jigged away as well. In response the dragon began a flurry of brake dancing that shook the cavern with it’s might. To combat the dragon’s skills Tomus danced as he never had danced before, pulling out every move he knew in a floppy combination of limb and head. Yet the dragon still managed to keep up with him. Tomus had one move left. He jumped up, doing a few front flips in the process and danced with all his might. After some Olympic qualified flips, hand springs, and other cool unnamable moves he stopped, bowing to and unseen yet ever present audience. The dragon attempted this as well but collapsed with exhaustion. And with that the dragon was defeated.

Now Tomus entered a nearby room, looking around for Alina. on The room was dark and damp. There were a few weights, dumbbells, and a sign that said “Princesses room”. “Hmm, I wonder whose room this could be.” As if to answer his question a hand came out of the darkness pimp slapping Tomus upside the head. “What are you doing here!?” yelled a buff girl in jeans and a T shirt with dirty, golden locks that fell down to her shoulders. A shinny tiara rested on top of her head. “I’ve come to rescue you princess!”
“I don’t need rescuing!” She said in a perplexed sarcastic tone.
“That’s strange because I got a letter right here that says you’ve been captured and locked up in these very mountains.” Tomus replied.
“I never was captured! I paid Larry to take me up here and help me hide out, away from my father.”
“Ya but there is a really big Dragon out there. Don’t worry though; I defeated him so now we can make our escape. Just then, from behind Tomus, came a loud rumbling voice. He turned just as a large Dragon head poked its way into the room. Tomus drew his mighty, wooden chopsticks of power, ready to fight it out to the death. “More coffee princess?” Spoke the dragon in a deep manly voice.
“No thanks, Larry.”
“That’s Larry! I thought your name was Arkose.” Tomus said to the dragon.
“O, see that’s just my street name, Dog.” With that the dragon left. After a strange conversation Tomus and Alina walked out onto a balcony over looking her father’s Kingdom.
“So you left because of your father?”
“He treated me like a princess!” She replied.
“Well you are a princess.” As soon as he said it she became very angry. Inspired by the great words of Oper Windbee and Doc Pill he spoke. “We can still work this out.” He spoke in a gleeful almost crazy voice. “Everything is going to be ok…” Tomus had little time to finish his sentence before the angry girl shoved him of the edge. He tried to grab at something, anything to stop his fall. Tomus was plummeting down toward the ground picking up speed as he went. Luckily an oversized eagle just happened to be flying below him. He landed on top of it right before it swooped away. ‘That was extremely fortunate.” He exclaimed. The eagle flapped its wings in powerful strokes and before he knew it Tomus was sailing over Parklainia. The bird began to a swoop down toward the ground apparently to stop for gas. After advising the eagle to purchase eco friendly ethanol he slid of it’s back. Tomus, once again stood in Parklania were he had started, no better off. Just as his feathered friend began to take of a shinning object fell from its talons. Tomus ran to a small mud puddle reached in, and picked up a shinning, now dirty, silver tiara. After wipping it clean he took it to the pwan shop where he received a small fortune. He donated the money to the not very well known Save the Rats foundation located in the bar next door. And No one lived happily ever after… Except the rats.

So next time you here the story of a brave night and an evil dragon you’ll remember what really happened, in the small gangster town of Parklania.

The End

The author's comments:
What is a interesting fact is that Tomus is is really my youth pastor Tomo who I love to poke fun at. He does have a mohawk and has similar traits to the ones I described. The church is in the town of Parkland located in Spanaway which is very geto. Tomo thought the story was hilarious and I hope you do too.

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