Cabin Fever MAG

By Christopher Quiroz, San Diego, CA

I could hear a man breathing, slow and steady. The sound was enough to stir me from my slumber. I opened my eyes carefully, but my attempts to see were futile.

Unlike in the city, there were no lights to illuminate the night around my vacation home. It was a gloomy night, and the woods could be so dark. The sharp objects that had filled my sight in the day were replaced now by ominous figures that blended into the darkness.

Another sound to my right. What is it? Who is it? There can’t be anyone out there; there can’t be anyone in here. It is impossible.

I was choking on fear, and I could only imagine how blue my face had become. My brain couldn’t compute this silence, and I was left with a ringing in my ears. Without any reference to time, I stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours.

My body tingled, and curiosity called me to action. Slowly I slipped a foot off the bed and searched for the floor. It was colder than I expected. The bed creaked and the floor cracked as my body stiffened from the shock. All was lost now – he was aware of my consciousness.

I had no choice but to thrust my body out of bed. I could hear him react with lightning speed through the house. Was he running? No, he was going to finish the job.

I ran across the room, or at least I attempted to. There isn’t a whole lot of successful running in the dark. I bruised my legs on the furniture, and I scraped my chest on the mantle. Even in the absence of light, there was no mistaking the blood that now ran down my torso.

I had to keep going. What had tormented me as a child was now here. It would be different this time though. The sounds were so close, I could feel him. I had to do something before he did. It was time to act.

I reached for the fire poker. I didn’t even think about what I did next. I had trained myself – I was prepared. There was a satisfying thud, and I knew it was over. I dropped the poker, and found the light switch that had previously eluded me. I needed to see what I had accomplished, whom I had defeated. But with the flick of the switch, I could see no reason to celebrate … only a broken mirror, and my own bloody reflection.



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This article has 72 comments.


on Jun. 15 2011 at 5:29 pm
AlyssaFama SILVER, Kunkletown, Pennsylvania
5 articles 0 photos 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
Most people want to be the sun that brightens your day. I'd rather be the moon that shines down on you in your darkest hour.

this was really good! it made me wonder who they were afraid of from their childhood. good job!

on Jun. 15 2011 at 11:57 am
__horizon133 PLATINUM, Portage, Michigan
26 articles 0 photos 232 comments

Favorite Quote:
"laugh, and the world laughs with you. laugh hysterically, and for no apparent reason, and they will leave you alone." anonymous

broken mirrors and fire pokers...your writting has the uality of a lurid dream.

on Nov. 29 2010 at 6:15 pm
springdance BRONZE, Hebron, New Hampshire
2 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.
Albert Einstein

Great story! I know how everything looks and sounds different at night, in the dark. You really captured fear.

on Nov. 29 2010 at 11:05 am
MysteryHeart GOLD, Thorold, Other
14 articles 0 photos 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
Usted es especial! AKWARD!!! (in an opera like voice), ohhh fasha', what the huh?,who in the name of what?, sanity now!

that was soooooo GOOD

LASwan SILVER said...
on Sep. 24 2010 at 10:08 pm
LASwan SILVER, Yukon, Oklahoma
5 articles 0 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't worry about the world endng today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
-Charles Schultz

Everyone knows this feeling of misplaced paranoia, and you nialed it perfectly. Mind taking a look at my works?

on Sep. 2 2010 at 4:21 pm
living4God BRONZE, Matthews, North Carolina
3 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Be content with God but discontent with how you serve God.'

Courage isn't the absense of fear, it's the ability to do what you have to do in spite of it

that was really good! write more! and please read my article!(i know that's probably annoying)

krzykrys GOLD said...
on Aug. 11 2010 at 7:52 pm
krzykrys GOLD, Baldwinsville, New York
15 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
i have many favorite quotes

i agree it was a little confusing. i didnt understand it because at first i thought they were camping - talking about being used to city lights and all but at the end i finally understood. lol but im pretty easy to confuse.

on Aug. 11 2010 at 3:57 pm
Darkchloe14 BRONZE, Memphis, Tennessee
1 article 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be Strong"

LOVED IT!!!

on Jul. 20 2010 at 10:19 pm
deus-ex-machina14 BRONZE, Stewartsville, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 439 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There are two main tragedies in life. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." -Oscar Wilde

DUDE!! I'm sitting in my room at like eleven at night reading; you scared the HECK out of me, haha. Great descriptions, keep writing:)

on Jul. 20 2010 at 3:50 am
One_Girl_Band_ BRONZE, Twin Falls, Idaho
4 articles 20 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
Start an uprising for him and take our City

ok so im sitting here at three in the morning reading this. It scared me so bad...congrats it was an amazing adreniliene rush for me

on Jul. 20 2010 at 12:42 am
DannyKid33 PLATINUM, Pleasant Hill, California
34 articles 2 photos 81 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't ever let the media tell you what to look like. You're beautiful the way you are. Stay beautiful, keep it ugly." - Gerard Way.

i thought that the writing was great and that it was really good but to be honest i got kind of lost and confused. maybe its just me i dont know haha anyways good job :)

on Jun. 28 2010 at 2:02 am
AriaLabyrinth BRONZE, Fresno, California
1 article 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To Each Her Own"

Magnificent

on May. 15 2010 at 12:33 pm
Sayaleung SILVER, San Mateo, California
5 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Those who say sunshine brings happiness have never danced in the rain."

You have an amazing talent for writing. Each suspenseful detail lingered with the dark image it created. The end raced faster and faster to stop with a (very good) anticlimactic image. In my opinion, anticlimactic parts can and do serve well for an author. You're amazing!

Roccojb said...
on Apr. 1 2010 at 9:05 pm
Roccojb, Vestal, New York
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
It aint over till its over-yogi berra

WOW! i loved that storey... it was so good, you really have a talent for writing... keep up the good work =)

on Apr. 1 2010 at 7:14 pm
CaliJayGrl8 BRONZE, L.A., Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Why are you trying so hard to fit in, when you are born to stand out?" :

That was so amazing! I loved it!

on Feb. 16 2010 at 3:23 pm
SonOfApollo GOLD, Katy, Texas
13 articles 0 photos 40 comments
Wow, that is awsome!

You really have a talent for writing

I wish I was that good

EnzoFan BRONZE said...
on Jan. 25 2010 at 4:41 pm
EnzoFan BRONZE, Westerville, Ohio
3 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Whether it be through intention or ignorance, our successes and our failures have been brought on by none other than ourselves."








-Enzo, The art of Racing in the Rain

Wow this was very good, but I am slightly confused. You mention that the boy can hear a man breathing in the first paragraph, but then later you mention that he hears the man running downstairs, in which case he would not be able to hear him breathing. It may be that i do not understand, but overall this is very impressive and suspenseful. nice work.

zman1 PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 25 2010 at 10:39 am
zman1 PLATINUM, Bethesda, Maryland
45 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension - a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into the Twilight Zone.

What is your piece about? Other than that it is very well written but cyrptic.

KatAnne SILVER said...
on Jan. 25 2010 at 7:24 am
KatAnne SILVER, Meadville, Pennsylvania
8 articles 1 photo 165 comments

Favorite Quote:
http://teenink.com/fiction/realistic_fiction/article/128063/Sweet-Sixteen/
http://teenink.com/fiction/romance/article/129766/It-Just-Happened/
http://teenink.com/fiction/romance/article/162872/Forbidden-Love-and-Great-Adventure-Part-One

Is this person crazy or kidnapped? Other than that. This was a very well written piece.

on Jan. 25 2010 at 7:23 am
Adele Campbell BRONZE, Noblesville, Indiana
2 articles 0 photos 11 comments
This was so suspenseful! I really liked it... and I was completely surprised by the ending! Keep writing! ^_^




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