Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

Cabin Fever This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

By
I could hear a man breathing, slow and steady. The sound was enough to stir me from my slumber. I opened my eyes carefully, but my attempts to see were futile.

Unlike in the city, there were no lights to illuminate the night around my vacation home. It was a gloomy night, and the woods could be so dark. The sharp objects that had filled my sight in the day were replaced now by ominous figures that blended into the darkness.

Another sound to my right. What is it? Who is it? There can’t be anyone out there; there can’t be anyone in here. It is impossible.

I was choking on fear, and I could only imagine how blue my face had become. My brain couldn’t compute this silence, and I was left with a ringing in my ears. Without any reference to time, I stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours.

My body tingled, and curiosity called me to action. Slowly I slipped a foot off the bed and searched for the floor. It was colder than I expected. The bed creaked and the floor cracked as my body stiffened from the shock. All was lost now – he was aware of my consciousness.

I had no choice but to thrust my body out of bed. I could hear him react with lightning speed through the house. Was he running? No, he was going to finish the job.

I ran across the room, or at least I attempted to. There isn’t a whole lot of successful running in the dark. I bruised my legs on the furniture, and I scraped my chest on the mantle. Even in the absence of light, there was no mistaking the blood that now ran down my torso.

I had to keep going. What had tormented me as a child was now here. It would be different this time though. The sounds were so close, I could feel him. I had to do something before he did. It was time to act.

I reached for the fire poker. I didn’t even think about what I did next. I had trained myself – I was prepared. There was a satisfying thud, and I knew it was over. I dropped the poker, and found the light switch that had previously eluded me. I needed to see what I had accomplished, whom I had defeated. But with the flick of the switch, I could see no reason to celebrate … only a broken mirror, and my own bloody reflection.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.





Join the Discussion


This article has 64 comments. Post your own!

AineAlyssa said...
Jul. 20, 2010 at 3:50 am:
ok so im sitting here at three in the morning reading this. It scared me so bad...congrats it was an amazing adreniliene rush for me
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
socrchik33 said...
Jul. 20, 2010 at 12:42 am:
i thought that the writing was great and that it was really good but to be honest i got kind of lost and confused. maybe its just me i dont know haha anyways good job :)
 
krzykrys replied...
Aug. 11, 2010 at 7:52 pm :
i agree it was a little confusing. i didnt understand it because at first i thought they were camping - talking about being used to city lights and all but at the end i finally understood. lol but im pretty easy to confuse.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
HTCARIA said...
Jun. 28, 2010 at 2:02 am:
Magnificent
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Sayaleung said...
May 15, 2010 at 12:33 pm:
You have an amazing talent for writing. Each suspenseful detail lingered with the dark image it created. The end raced faster and faster to stop with a (very good) anticlimactic image. In my opinion, anticlimactic parts can and do serve well for an author. You're amazing!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Roccojb said...
Apr. 1, 2010 at 9:05 pm:
WOW! i loved that storey... it was so good, you really have a talent for writing... keep up the good work =)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
CaliJayGrl8 said...
Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:14 pm:
That was so amazing! I loved it!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
SonOfApollo said...
Feb. 16, 2010 at 3:23 pm:
Wow, that is awsome!
You really have a talent for writing
I wish I was that good
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
EnzoFan said...
Jan. 25, 2010 at 4:41 pm:
Wow this was very good, but I am slightly confused. You mention that the boy can hear a man breathing in the first paragraph, but then later you mention that he hears the man running downstairs, in which case he would not be able to hear him breathing. It may be that i do not understand, but overall this is very impressive and suspenseful. nice work.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
zman1 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:39 am:
What is your piece about? Other than that it is very well written but cyrptic.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
KatAnne said...
Jan. 25, 2010 at 7:24 am:
Is this person crazy or kidnapped? Other than that. This was a very well written piece.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Adele C. said...
Jan. 25, 2010 at 7:23 am:
This was so suspenseful! I really liked it... and I was completely surprised by the ending! Keep writing! ^_^
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
novacekn said...
Oct. 29, 2009 at 9:33 pm:
I really did not understand this piece. I got lost in the fifth paragraph when you started talking about getting out of bed. You could use a little bit of work on adding descriptive verbs such as "ran," in the sixth paragraph. Instead of saying, "blood ran down my torso," you could have said something like "as blood sped down my torso." I think you did a very good job on this piece except when I got lost and did not really understand this piece. Like I said, wo... (more »)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
MsChowD said...
Oct. 29, 2009 at 8:37 pm:
nice!!
this is amazing!
only prob i see is inconsistency at the first.
very good!!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
screenname! said...
Oct. 29, 2009 at 5:28 pm:
lol-now that was good!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
PurpleMidnight said...
Oct. 29, 2009 at 8:21 am:
This sis absolutley astounding! This really does capture cabin fever.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
legolas_elf said...
Oct. 29, 2009 at 7:29 am:
Oh, by the way, my piece is in the free write poetry section.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
legolas_elf said...
Oct. 29, 2009 at 7:27 am:
I love this story, the descriptions are great and the suspense is awesome. Like everybody else says, all I can say is WOW. Could you guys please check out some of my work, it's called I See, and its about the Jim Crow Laws, so , please read it and comment on it.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
LikeWoah<3 said...
Jun. 24, 2009 at 4:52 pm:
Nice use of vocabulary! The ending might have been better if you extended it but otherwise it was really good.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Anjo! said...
May 19, 2009 at 6:19 am:
Woah.. that is freakishly awesome
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Site Feedback