I knew that I had to tell my mother that I was gay. I could not live my life without her knowing, without anyone knowing. I should not have to walk around these hallways trying to hide this, I shouldn’t be ashamed. Straight, gay, bisexual, transgendered, people are people. It doesn’t matter who you like, it matters what you feel when you’re around them and who you become. Everybody should be accepted.
It was fourth block, the last block of the day and I was stuck in the bathroom most of the time dry heaving. I was so nervous to tell her I couldn’t even eat. What would she say when she knew? What would she do? Would she accept me? All these thoughts were running through my head and I couldn’t stop it. I was making myself sick with all this over thinking. She is my mother; she has to accept me no matter what…right? “Bring!” the bell rang. School ended and now it’s time to make everything perfect so I could tell my mom. I went to Stop & Shop to go get some steak and rice pilaf, her favorite meal. I thought that if I made her favorite meal she would be in a better mood and it would be easier to break the ice.

I got home at 4:30 pm and I started scrambling to get things done. I was literally shaking. My hands were so clumsy, I couldn’t hold onto anything. My knees were the worst though. Walking was a challenge, my needs would wobble like a toddler legs trying to learn how to walk. I knew I had to hurry and cook though because my mom would be home at 5 pm so we would start eating then. I cooked the steak just the way she liked it and I started making the rice pilaf which is when I heard her keys trying to unlock the door. I ran into the bathroom hyperventilating, trying to calm myself before she came in. I started to dry heave, it was such a mess. I couldn’t control my emotions. I heard her call me “Jake? Are you home?” I wiped my face with a damp towel and walked out.
“Yes mom, I’m right here. I made your favorite dinner. Just the way you like it.” I tried smiling but all I wanted to do was run away from her. I wanted to avoid telling her but I knew I couldn’t. I have waited so long to tell her this. I’m a senior in high school and I couldn’t go off to college without her knowing the real me any longer. I took the rice pilaf off of the burner and started setting plates. I called to her and told her that dinner was ready. We sat down and she started eating. She told me that it was very nice that I had made dinner for us and that it tasted delicious so smiled at her and said “thank you.” I couldn’t eat my food, I was too nervous. My stomach felt upset. I knew that if I had eaten anything then it would just come right back up.
I was hoping my mother wouldn’t notice that I was only playing with my food and not consuming any of it but then I heard her voice, “Jake sweetie you have hardly eaten anything. Is there something wrong?”
I didn’t know what to say, I froze like a deer in the headlights. I started to stutter, “uh I-I-I have something to tell you and I need to do it now.”
She replied in such a warming voice saying, “Yes, honey? What is wrong?”
I started to cry. I couldn’t help it my tears started welling up in my eyes and they started spilling over, down my face. “I’m gay.”
My mom looked at me like she was wondering if I was telling the truth or not. She saw the pain in my eyes and said, “honey this is just a phase you aren’t gay. Now clean up and do your homework.”

“No!” I yelled “this isn’t a phase this is who I am. I’ve known this for years. My boyfriend Ted has tried to help me get the courage to talk to you about it and here I am mom, I’m gay.”

Before I could even finish that sentence she slapped me. My cheeks were burning, my eyes started to tear up and being the stubborn person that she is she said with a stern voice, “If you want to live under this roof you will admit to me that this is just a phase and you will break up with Ted immediately.”

“No mom, this isn’t just a phase. I’ve known this for years. You can’t try to tell me how I feel; you don’t know what this feels like.”

“I guess you’ve made your choice then,” she said disappointingly, “I hope this is what you wanted”

“It is,” I said as tears were streaming down my cheeks.

“There is no going back now,” she said as she walked away.

“I know,” I whispered. I started crying, I couldn’t have her see that I was upset about what she had said. She is my mother for petes sake! She should love me for who I am and for who I love. If she can’t then she shouldn’t be a part of my life, she should be the one asking my approval. I should not be asking for hers. I guess this is it I thought. I packed up all my things and left.