Awakening of the Heart

August 10, 2008
By Kimbell Kesling, Austin, TX

"What's it going to be Anna? You either choose him or you choose me. You don't get both of us; me or him?"
This question had haunted me for weeks and weeks, but yet, as the choosing inched forward, I still stood undecided. What was I supposed to do? Leave the person, who happened to be very alluring, who helped me through the rough times even though when these events happened he ran and hid like the coward he was? Or leave the person, who in the first place, told me everything was going to be okay after Rachel died and always seemed to have an answer even if it didn't solve the matter at hand?
I'm driving myself from the situation. Seth was the first person I met when I stepped off the plane that carried me from California to New York. He was so annoying with his Mohawk and non-stop chatter. On the hand, Trevor was the complete opposite. He was polite, never pushed the situation too far and didn't feel the need to fill the silence with mindless chatter. Who could help me decide in a situation like this? What would happen if I chose the wrong person? This was a tricky situation and I didn't want to be the one to have to decide its' fate.
The leaves blew in the trees high above the Fine Arts building and the sun was struggling to keep smiling past seven o' clock. I hated being faced with this decision, but it was one I knew I was going to have to make sooner, rather than later.
The wind blew violently, threatening to knock all three of us over along with the rest of Altwood's population. I shivered as the wind blew once more. Trevor noticed and tried to hand me his jacket. I kept my lips pursed together and my arms remained crossed. He tried once more and again I refused. If I accepted his jacket, I was likely to pick him without giving Seth a thought.
"Anna, stop being stubborn. You're going to get sick if you don't warm up soon," Trevor said.
"She doesn't have to take it if she doesn't want to, Trevor," said Seth with a sneer as the name of his opponent.
"It isn't because I don't want to take it. I just don't want to give one person a higher rating over the other," I said as I shivered once more.
"Anna, that's ridiculous. Just take the jacket; it won't bother me. I don't know about Seth, but it will fine with me as long as it doesn't get you sick," said Trevor as his eyes darted to Seth.
After a moment of trying to find an excuse, Seth spoke, "He's right Anna. Take the jacket so you don't get sick."
I took the jacket and wrapped my small figure in its' skin. "Thank you," I told Trevor and Seth. It bothered me how I was thanking both of them and wished this matter would solve itself.
I looked up into the orange pink sky and sighed. The question seemed so simple yet I couldn't come up with an answer. I could try weighing the pros and cons again. Yes, that's exactly what I shall do, I said to myself. I imagined my face masked in a twisted smile.
Seth: We had fun drinking coffee and eating doughnuts in the Cafe and talking about our lives before the Institution. He saved me many times; the most memorable was the time after I went to England to convince him that I did, in fact, love him dearly. It had been three days since my high and I was desperate for that comfort it provided me. Unfortunately , the drugs I had bought at the airport in New York had been a bad batch and caused me to go into coma once more. However, he never stayed by my side when things got tougher than a simple bad batch of drugs.
Trevor: I first met him at the end of my stay at the Institution when I realized Seth was cheating on me. Of course, after that he kept coming back to see me and I never knew that he was Seth's roommate at Altwood's until Trevor let it slip one time in the Cafe. I admit, it made me a bit angry that he would keep such a secret from me, but I could understand why he didn't tell me sooner. Always the gentleman.
The pro/con thing is pointless. I am still debating Trevor or Seth; good or evil. I finally realized I didn't have to choose if I didn't want to. I needed more time, with someone else to talk to about this matter, before I made this life threatening decision.
"Actually, I don't have to choose between you two," I said.
"What? What do you mean? Anna you have to choose NOW," urged Seth.
Trevor stood there looking more like a god than a human boy fighting for my heart and didn't breathe a word. The plan had worked. Whoever grew outraged at the fact I didn't choose right that second, would lose me, forever. And now we both know who I would choose.
"I choose Trevor because he is the one who didn't breathe a word while I stood, debating this matter and he didn't grow outraged when I chose to wait. Seth, you've got to learn that tolerance is a skill that must be obtained before being able to love someone with a great amount of passion."
"I don't need to learn anything. We both knew who you would choose before you arrived."
"Really? Then why didn't you save me the trouble of agonizing over this question for months? Why do you think every time either of you brought it up, I changed the subject? Are you really that blind?"
My words came out much harsher than I planned for them to hit, but maybe now, they would know exactly how long it took and how much pain I endured to make such a trivial decision. For the first time since the jacket debacle Trevor spoke up.
"Did you really spend that much time on us?"
"Yes Trevor, yes I did. This choice could define the rest of my life."
I looked up at Seth and he was aloof with his arms crossed. "And Seth, do you really think that I would have stayed clean if I had chosen you?"
"I suppose you're right. Being together meant a magnet for trouble." Seth was now fighting a smile.
"Being with Trevor has taught me that I do have a security blanket, him. I don't need drugs to be able to live. Yeah, they were fun, but that was in the past. Do you really have to torture me by making me feel bad because I'm happy?"
My voice squeaked as I finished my declarative speech. I was trying so hard not to cry and it's almost too much.
"I don't want you to be under torture Anna. I really do want you to be happy. I may not show it well, but I do," said Seth.
"I'm glad you told me the truth. Don't be sad, Seth. I'll always be a phone call away. Try and see my side of this bizarre story and then maybe, just maybe, you could be happy too."
"Thank you Anna. You have no idea how much that means to me," said Seth.
Trevor grabbed my hand and we walked away as Seth looked on. I could see the sadness masked on his face and for once, I didn't care how he felt. I was happy and that's all that mattered, for now.

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This article has 1 comment.

Mrs. Squires said...
on Aug. 27 2008 at 9:33 pm

I loved the way you started in the middle of the conflict and made me want to keep reading to figure it out. You were able to create that same sort of Bella/Edward/Jacob tension, but with a much more human twist. I enjoyed it.


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