August 7, 2008
In this thought less mind. there's an open wound.
but there's no winding back the time or waiting to find you.

there's an empty whole where I hide deep within,
Not being able to smile for there's a broken heart
that has a million cracks. There's one missing soul.
Ofcourse there's pain in my thoughts
but they rather just faint.
I come out and face all the things I fought that
are now cought in the same room with a mirror right ahead
and everything around me an me not knowing what to do.
I don't know how to say
what I mean. It is I just don't know much more.
I have no choice of what I am to be.
I don't how I got the way I am. I don't know if I will brake.
I know I can't make change to that part.
To the speechless speech I wrote. One that is incomplete.
One that is too weak.
All this time I thought I would never have to speak.
To have to end that part. I have to keep on living.
Want to go the other side of a mirror.
To see what I might find. Stoping me from going on is this crowded room
with all the fear I fought. But nothing can stop me.
As I cross, the glass pierces my skin.
The pain is making it's way to me. Here to cross out the time I have.
Tears fall down. Nothing is worse than having to hold on to this.
Fear watching closly. The mirror turns jet black and colapses down.
Closing the door behind. The one leading to that room.
To everything in that room.
I look back and only find darkness.
Leaving everything behind I walk forward
gasping of the pain from crossing the mirror.
The many pieces of glass will leave a scar
but will never hurt as much. No just to leave a memory.
The mirror is now black. To never look at it again and see this.
What I had become. That room is left behind. The room I was suffocating in,
now even with this aching pain I can now breathe.
Not completely forgetting the past. For the scars will remain.
But even with this great pain I can't feel everything thickining the air.
The pain is still present but I am alive.
Now what I see ahead of me is a clouded
sky that is full of sunshine even if I can't see the sun anymore.
For my eyes are penatrated by glass.
I can now only feel droplets of water on me.
For I have realized it is my own tears. My tears of joy.
My tears for a chance of a new life even if it is now completely turned around.
I won't be able to see things coming but for all I knew all that has come has gone.
Even when my sight has been crushed it has happened for only one reason,
for I did not see this coming.
I failed to stand up to everything and just gave up.
But all I have given up is one thing. One thing that hasn't helped me before.
Now I will just be counting on
my other instincts to lead my way.
For in my dreams I will see everything once more.
To see myself completely alive.
Without seeing the scars to remind me.
Only knowing that there is nothing in my way.
Only now am I ready to smile.
Only until now I have realized how numb I have been before.
How I was living a lie. Crawled up in a hole. With nothing to live for.
With nothing to see. With nothing to feel.
But now I am so much more aware, feeling everything.
Taking blind steps to a clear dirrection.
To forget what I had been.
The thing I have to forget is still unknown to you, the whole reason
I became less, the whole reason I was this.
For that reason is to be left alone. Back in that room. Forgotten.
Taking no part in what you have been assuming.
I know it's not alright. To not know the beginning to this new one.
For this new beginning has ended the beginning of my failiors.
The failiors that were caused by only me.
Because I thought I was nothing. But now I can look into darkness and smile.

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