I Don't Understand You

August 2, 2008
By
I watch silently.

I watch silently, because I don't understand.

I look at you -- and I still don't understand.

Why do you hate me so much? Why am I feared?

I look at you -- and I still don't understand.

I don't understand your pain or your fear of me. I don't understand the pain you feel when you look at me. I don't understand you.

I watch silently -- and I look at you -- and I still don't understand.

Why do you weep? Why do silent tears run down your face? Why do you look at the broken and bloodied bodies and cry?

I don't understand.

Why do you curse my name with every breath? Why do you try to -- to sikoanalyse me? Why do you attempt to find a word for something that can't be said?

Why do you ignore me? Why do you hate me? Why do you weep bitter, bitter tears?

Why do you talk to me? Why do you yell at me? Why do you stare at me in disbelief? In utter terror? In pain?

I don't understand.

Why do you curse my name with every breath you breathe? Is it because you know that someday your own breath will be snatched away from you -- and you must curse the one who takes it? You regard a breath as -- as nothing. Why do you care so much when it snatched away from another?

I watch silently.

Sometimes I kneel by the broken, bloodied bodies and I, too, try to cry.

I cannot.

I don't understand. I don't understand how you cry, when you know that it must come to all of your people -- to everybody. Why can't you accept it?

I look at you -- and I still don't understand.

I don't understand why you are emotionally scarred. I don't understand why people attempt to preserve life.

I don't understand my sister.

I don't understand you.

I don't know -- or understand -- much, do I?

Why do you ignore me? I don't understand the fear and the pain in your voice as you curse my name with every breath you breathe. I don't understand what pain is. I don't understand fear. Maybe that's it.

Why do you try to give me a name when I already have one that I have given myself?

I laugh -- then. I laugh during Halloween -- because every scary costume out there is just a mockery of me. Each costume is just a mockery of me. Some pretend to laugh at me -- but their hearts are filled with fear when they look me in the face. Some laugh at me and joke and make sarcastic comments when I visit them.

Do you mock me? Yes. Do you laugh at me? Yes.

Do you fear me? Oh, yes. You fear me more than anything else -- because I am a threat to your own perfect world, the world you live in. I bring the unknown with me. I stink of it.

And I don't understand any of that. So all I can do is watch.

Watch silently --- watch as silently as death does.

You can quote me on that.

Because death watches silently.





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