February 24, 2008
Someone once asked me how a girl of such a young age could write something like the way that I do. Whether it was good or not it made me wonder why I did write so. And honestly it took me years to come up with an answer, that year would be this year. But in order to do so I will tell this person the only way I know how; on paper, many words on paper. A multi-answer if you wish, for there are many reasons why I write the way I do.
Reason one: I never was one to say the right words or have them mean what I wanted them to. Never quite intelligent when I spoke some would say, but I defiantly thought deeper than what would come across. Anyone that knew me could say without a doubt that I am what they would classify as a “dumb blonde.” Something I would never want to admit, this is true, but I can defiantly say that if those people knew what was going on in my head then I would surprise the world. And I am a very surprise person. Trust me. But I found a way to say what I wanted; on paper.
Reason two: when I was younger I never had any secrets, because I would spill them all. But then one day I got wounded, badly. Only it was in the heart and by one of my own secrets. I had shared an important one with the wrong person and I have never wanted to hear something I said repeated in such filth. Ever since then I was very careful to whom I shared my personal privileges with, if anyone. There are certain things I would have died to keep to myself but I knew that if I didn’t say it then I would explode and so I found a way; with a pen and paper. I would spill my deepest fears, happiness, sorrow, and smiles into the pages I found randomly in places. So as time went on and the pages grew old I showed myself that paper can only absorb. Paper doesn’t judge what you put on it. So I shared more and more with it. Only one day a single shred of paper got lose and what this person read of my thoughts and asked me the question above. At a first glance I was furious that my secrets still got out, at a second glance I was embarrassed that this person did not believe what I was capable of, and at a last glance I was ready: to take some time and think about those words meant. The words of how could a such a young girl write like I do. I figured that it was worth a try to see if I could find out if it was a good thing or a bad by what this person meant. So I wrote this and that shred of paper and gave it to others to get my answer. So lastly I have reason three and it is addressed to you (you know who you are.)
My imagination was hazy in the begging. My mind was so far gone when we first started. But you didn’t stop, even when I said please. And I’m glad you didn’t because then I wouldn’t be this far. You took my mind and molded it for me. Even when I didn’t understand, you explained it to me. Your faith never gave out. So went I went home that day it all sort of clicked and my brain wrapped around it all. And I understood. All this new knowledge, my head can wrap around even when it is so blocked. You showed me your ways, even though it took a while. I can now see the deeper meaning, behind everyone’s words. I can now see the beauty on the darkest day. And I can now see hear the melody inside waterless cries. You got me so far, but I’ll be back, to shown what I’ve done for myself. But I know it was all because of your teachings.
And so now here I stand, saying these words to what I hope will one day be the world. It is not just about me and I know that, so everyone reading this do me a favor to all those “dumb blondes” you see out there. Give them some paper. Then read, but not only read: comprehend what they write. And you will see what the most unthinking people can come up with. Give them a chance and they will blossom. Just watch. You will never look at them the same way again, trust me, in a good way. So just read the paper of some people you want to know more of and be amazed: in a good way.

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