crying silently

July 23, 2008
Everyone Together
" Hey, guys" Ally said
" Hey "said Claire and Elliana at the same time
"Can I tell you guys something”
"Of course" said Eliana
"Ok, you guys have been my best friends for like ever, duh..."
"Duh" Eliana said
" Right" Claire said
"Well... yesterday I was at the doctors for my check-up and-."
"Oh my god, your pregnant! That’s it, your life is over Ally how could you-"
"NO! I am not pregnant! Just let me finish my god.... ok anyways, they did all the usually stuff took my blood blah, blah, blah and they said that I have cancer."
"Are you serious! This has to be a joke, right?"
Claire didn’t say anything at all.
"No joke, I don’t joke about death"
"Oh my god, I’m going to cry" Claire said
All three friends stood there in the crowed hallway hugging each other knowing that Ally could not be helped in any way unless the doctors came up with a cure or some medicine but that was highly unlikely. With only one minute to go before class started they ran off to their classes.
Ally is dying. The big cancer cells are eating away at her body, thinking to herself. This is the second worst day of my life, the first is going to be when Ally ...dies. I can’t even think about it, it’s just too horrible! One of my best friends is going to leave me. I can’t do anything to stop her from going. I hope she can live so we can drink legally together. That would be fun, legally. I hate thinking about it; it’s going to happen. I’m just going to have to face the truth sooner or later (hope later the sooner). I hope by then, they can come up with a cure. That is the only little hope I have for my friend.
I am sad as usually and it is not my fault, it’s other people’s fault, they do this to me. If they would just leave me alone and keep things to themselves then maybe I would not be going to the social workers office, almost every other day! Eli said that the people that say that stuff are losing out on how I am such a great person. I tell her I am not and she says whatever. I hate life; I wish that everybody I hate would die. Also, on top of my platter of problems, Ally just told me she is going to die! Not that it’s a bad thing and I really don’t need this right now. I just need to talk to Elli.
I can’t believe I told them. They are my best friends and everything but I was scared to tell them. They must be really sad. They must be thinking about how to make my life the best while I’m still here. Oh, I can’t even think about, and it’s happening to me. Eli said that we might have a sleep over this weekend at her house. That would be so much fun. I hope my mom says yes.
"Oh my god we are sooooo having a sleep over this weekend" said Eliana.
"Yes we are its are first one since the start of 8th grade" said Claire.
"Yea, I know it’s going to be so much fun" Ally said, kind of unsure.
"What’s wrong" Elli asked.
"Yea we’re having a sleep over"
"Well, my mom..."
" Oh, yea I totally forgot"
"It’s fine but I’m going to beg my mom to go. She’s just being a total... I don’t even know the word for her right now"
"You try that and just call me or tell me tomorrow and then I can set everything up"
" Alright"
" Bye" said Eli and Claire at the same time again.
"You’re totally freaking me out"
"You freaking me out"
"Bye Claire"
"Bye Elli"
I really wish Ally could come. It would be so much more fun then just the two of us. Not that I don’t have fun and all but to tell Alice about are little group and everything. I don’t know why we didn’t tell her before. My group where nobody gets in between us no matter what happens. I’ll tell Ally that next period and Claire. Ally told us that she has another best friend (beside me and Claire) that she had cancer and she only has 2 years to live! Isn’t that great. At least that what the doctors predicted. Her friends’ name is Alicia. Everybody also calls her "Goth." I just don’t get why they can’t call them "Claire", "Ally", and "Alicia". They are all still human like everybody else they just look at the world differently then other people. But no, they can’t accept them for who they are now can they. They just think of themselves and not about hurting people feelings. It makes me so mad that they are so judging all the time we are not in a contest are we? No! I hate hearing the jokes all the time about my friends. Like "Oh, I’m so depressed that I’m going to go cut myself and sit at the gothic table." It makes me sick! But I still hope that one-day people will like a person the way they are but that is only a dream and a wish upon a star.
Still thinking about Ally and how life sucks. I really do not need this right now. Also how everybody that I need or love goes away. Either because they did not want me as a friend or I went Goth so it would ruin their social stasis or something. Not Eli and Ally they stay by me the whole time. Even when I was Emo. That is a true friend right there, mo matter what happens in life they are right there to take it on with you.
Sitting here in math so bored (sigh). I don’t know why she just can’t make it more interesting or just stop talking all together. Still thinking about if I did the right thing or not, telling them about my "condition". I might sit with them at lunch. They will probably be sadder that I don’t eat because I’m thinking about how I’m dying. I also gained 2 pounds that is a little something to be happy about.
"Hey guys, mind if I sit at the Goth table," Ally asked
"No! You can’t, we hate you, go away......... just kidding" Eli said, laughing.
"Oh, I knew that you guys could never hate me if you tried"
"NO you’re right, I love you"
" I love you too."
"Hey Ally when did you get here?" asked Claire
"Like 5 minutes ago"
" Right, I just spaced out for a second"
"So…when did you find out that you had this?" asked Elliana.
"Actually I had it before and I thought it went away but then it came back"
"Wait why didn’t you tell us this before!?" screamed Elli.
"Well we were a lot younger and so I didn’t want to worry you with it "
"You’re right, we wouldn’t have understand any of it then when we asked are moms about we would have a totally melt down"
"That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you"
"Well… Elliana and I are going to make your life the best thing ever," Claire said, trying not to cry.
"I’m going to go get my lunch, be right back"
"Ok" said Alice and Claire at the same time.
Why me! ? Why do I have to be the caring one? It’s just too much stress on me. Oh my god I don’t know if I can take much longer of Claire caring what people think about her or what people do or always complaining about the teacher giving us to much homework. It’s driving me up the WALLS!!! But then I don’t want to leave her not ever do I want to stop being friends with her. To not be friends with Claire would kill her and me. If I ever decide to let Claire go (which would be never) Claire would die from sadness, literally. And ally poor, poor Ally, I can’t even think about her right now. I will never stop caring for them not today, not tomorrow, not forever. And that’s a promise I will never break.
I am so glad that I have friends like Elli and Ally or I do not think that I would make it through the day or year! They are like my people that I can tell everything too. I do not know about Ally so much I told more to Elli then Ally but I will tell her soon enough (hopefully). They even stay by me when I am sad or mad and will not talk to them so they just let me fume silently in my head and talk to each other. Elli told me today that she likes this kid name Eric. I think that this is super annoying and I do not like him at all. But I do not care who she likes, even if it is him. She likes him and that is that and I cannot do anything to change her mind.
Nikki is such a my
God! She always is telling us that she knows Panic! At The Disco, has all these boyfriends, and that she can’t decide between two guys who want to date her or she thinks that they like her. It makes me sick! Until recently she thought she could be BFF with Elli, Claire, And I. I was like I don’t think so. I didn’t say that but I think she got the clue. Also she told us that she is moving!!!!!!!!!! Beyond happy right now. It would be a lot better if she died but I’ll have to make due.
Lunch... Again
"Can you believe that little is sitting next to Alex? I bet you she knows that I like him and she’s doing this to make me mad!" said Claire, in a very angry tone.
"Well.... it’s working." said Elli, in an accusing tone.
"NO, IT’S NOT!!!"
"Ok, maybe but I’m not going to let it get to me anymore"
"Good job"
"Hey guys,” said Ally in a singsong voice.
" Hey girl, come sit, take a step into my office" said Elli bossily.
"Am I in trouble"
" Yes, in so much you can’t even imagine... no just kidding, now get out!"
"Fine! I will, Humph!"
"No don’t go Ally, I need you" Elli said pretending to cry and laughing at the same time.
" Ah...ok if you insist"
" You guys are so silly" Claire said.
"I know thank you it was wonderful performing for you,” said Elli bowing.
"Go get your lunch,” yelled the lunch lady.
"Be right back" said Elli cheerfully
We have to do some stupid project in science. It sounds pretty boring if we weren’t working in groups but since we are it sounds like a party. Not really but we basically we get to talk so yea. It’s still lame because we have to learn stuff. Elli says that she can’t hang out today, tomorrow, or the next day, because she has soccer try-outs. Ah Claire, is still having problems with people making fun of her and stuff. Why doesn’t she just ignore them like Elli and I do? Her hair is now totally black so now she is "totally Goth". Great now we have to research on this project, ugh!
I’m sad but not depress. Were doing writing workshop and we’re allowed to listen to music that we bring in. I’m listening to Far Away By Nickel Back. When I listen to this song I always think of Ally right away. I hate that there is nothing I can do to help her. I need something less sad. Like my friend Zac, I wish that he went back to normal. I feel bad that I did that to him. Turn him into a coldness feeling person. I want to go back to the ways things were... when he actually smiled. I still can’t believe that I broke up with him after 2 years of going out I’m so stupid! He was the first one that really likes me for me. I can’t believe I gave that up. But I did.
I do not think that I can take much more of this.... crap!! All these people are all so annoying and stupid! They will not stop talking about how I went Goth and blah. I am just ready to go kill myself but if I told Elli this she would be attached to me for the next week or so. If I do, do this Elli would miss me so much. I do not want to cry right now, not in L.A.
Gossip city
" Oh my go, every time I walk down the hallways, I hear all these whisper about me!" said Claire
"I know what you mean,” Elli said
" Everybody is looking at me funny" Ally said
"Ah maybe because your wearing Abercrombie and people think your Goth."
"Well, it was the only thing in my closet that my mom would approve of"
"Did you hear “?
"I did that this one dude did this on girl"
" Thanks I so wanted to know that"
I must have the greatest friends in the world. They’re always there for me no matter what. Well I think more Elli because Claire is still depress about people. She is the most caring person ever but when comes to people who lie to her or talk about her friends she could care less. Also my friend Alicia is hurting herself emotional and physical. She is also doing drugs, having sex (not with a guy either), and drinking. Her doing all of this is killing me. I don’t know what to do anymore I don’t know how much more I can take. I asked her to stop nut she won’t. I’m glad I have Elli to talk to or I would explode.

I want to die! Oh my god, people are so stupid. I just want to all stop talking! I wish that people would keep things to themselves. The people who really care for me are Elli and Ally. If I didn’t have them I don’t think that I would be here right now.

“ Oh my god, this is are last dance of the year” Elli took a pause “for the whole school at least we 8th graders have one more dance”
“I know, now hurry up so we can go back to the dance floor,” said Ally
“Alright, but it so good, help me finish it”
“ Fine, all done, lets go”
“Fine hurry we got to get back into the crowed”
“This is awesome!”
“Hey Ally, where’s my dance?” yelled Jim.
“What are you talking about?”
“I think you know”
“What was that about?” asked Elli
“Well remember I dated him and we were going to go to the dance together and we didn’t get to because I broke up with him right before the dance.”
“Oh I remember you guys were so cute together”
“Well were not here to think about that we are here to have fun so keep dancing”

We dance until Jim came over and ask Ally for the dance and she did but it was not a slow dance it was more of a junking dance they look so cute together I wish that they would get back together. After that they said goodbye and I asked him and he said “No” but she moved on.


NOW, this time at this place. We are going 2 years. I fill you in as 3 have gone to a lot of parties and Claire is still depress but she has stop caring what people think, it’s her parents this time. I have made Ally life the best and hoping, hoping that I can continue that. I just tell you what happen.

“Oh Ally please be strong, you can fight it” said Elli through tears.
“I got here as fast as I could… Oh Ally.” Said Claire
“I need every body out, we are going to some more test and then we will let you know,” said the doctor

We wait for at least 5 days. Claire and I could not eat, sleep, or go to the bathroom. Then the unexpected happen. Ally had ok!! We all rushed in there and hugged her, gently. They said that the medicine had work for now but the cancer could come back. 5 days later Ally was free to go home and said that the cancer was gone for now but should come back for daily check-up every month. We didn’t take her home right away. We took her to a party and danced till we couldn’t dance anymore.

The End......or is it we still have high school

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