Severe Shopping Struggles

November 6, 2007
By ann burns, Bossier City, LA

It was 2 o’clock on a quiet Thursday afternoon. Luke and his mom, Suzanne, were enjoying a nice lunch together at Chili’s before Luke went back to college.
“Ya’ll want any appetizers to start yall of today?”
“Yes please! Can I get some Texas fries, an awesome blossom, and ya’ll still have those potato skins right?” Luke said looking famished.
“No. Sorry.”
“Alright, I’ll just take the bottomless chips instead.”
“Okay. I’ll be back. Ya’ll enjoy.”
“So Baby, how is the LSU life?”
“Its fine, I guess.”
“So, your studies are coming along well?”
“Yeah, my grades are cool.”
“And you’re not being careless. You know you have to be making wise decisions with money and-”
“Oh my gosh! Speaking of money, you need to come down and see this new four-wheeler I bought from my roommate Jack. It’s so tight! You would love it. How about this weekend? You can even try out my new shotguns!”
“Shotguns? As in plural?”
“Yeah, I got three. One to use and two just because. They have some good gators and some awesome crawfish. You should defiantly come.”
“Here you go sir. An awesome blossom, Texas fries, and bottomless chips. Ya’ll ready to order?”
“Oh yeah! Can I get the all-American 100% beef burger double patty melt with extra tomatoes?”
“And for you mam?”
“Just the house salad with ranch.”
“Okay. I’ll be right back”, the waiter said as he quickly left.
“So, sweetie. Just curious, how are you planning on paying for all of this?”
“What? The food?”
“Noooo. The four-wheeler and-”
Luke cut her off short.
“You see, Jack got me this amazing deal.”
“And the shotguns too?”
“No, those were on a super special savings sale. Buy one for $799.99 and get the other two for $599.99”
“Oh, wow. That’s, um, quite a deal. Where are you even putting this stuff at?”
“Oh! I bought this U-Haul trailer to stash all my stuff in. Don’t worry. It’s not your everyday tacky orange and white trailer; I cleaned it up real nice. Jesus, the Mexican in the dorm next to me, sold me his chili pepper lights and giant sombrero. I’m even thinking about buying a smaller version but getting a tarantula gallery in it.”
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
“You know what mom? Your right. It was either tarantula gallery or flea circus and flea circus is the way to go! Mom, you always have the best ideas.”
“Thanks honey, but can we seriously talk.”
“Yeah, let’s go.”
“Luke, the only reason why I asked you to come and meet me is because-”
“Because you want free tickets to the flea circus. Trust me, I can hook you up with some.”
“Luke! I am filing bankruptcy.”
“Ha. Mom, you’re not funny.”
Suzanne shot him that serious motherly glance.
“You’re not kidding, are you?” Luke’s voice started to quiver.
“No hun, I’m not.”
“Wha-wha-no shotguns? No chili pepper lights? No flea circus? How do you expect me to live?
“The state can pay for a few consoling sessions for you. That’s only if you are willing to go.”
“Are you saying I have a problem?” Luke stood up outraged.
“Sit down! You’re embarrassing me!” Suzanne stood up and pointed to his chair sternly.
“No. NOOOOO!” Luke screamed while running out of Chili’s.
Suzanne’s face flushed. She had no other choice. They were extremely bankrupt and just ate a fifty dollar meal. Suzanne grabbed what was left of the Texas fries, shoved them in her purse and ran out of the restaurant yelling and screaming like her son. I mean, who else was going to pay for the ticket?

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