If I were half me, and half Eric Cartman from the show “South Park,” my life would have been very different. I would be very different in many ways: I would be immature, obese, and mean- spirited. I would be humorous because Eric Cartman in “South Park” always makes jokes and is a funny character. Although his jokes and humor is offensive and cruel, it’s still funny. Here is an example of Eric Cartman’s humor, “I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about protectin the earth and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets I hate em! I wanna kick em in the nuts!” If I had Eric Cartmans humor, I would be offensive to everybody, including my family, friends, teachers, and strangers because I would make fun of everybody. I would make fun of “Joos”, gingers, and especially my best friend (In Catrmans case is Kyle). I would also be obese, since Eric Cartman is in fact, obese. If I had Eric Catrman’s physical looks, I would overdose on potpie daily, yell at cats trying to steal it, saying, “No kitty, this is my potpie!” Lastly, I would be very mean to everybody. Eric Cartman is mean in many ways; he’s racist, sexist, homophobic, narcissistic, and a sociopath. Here’s a racist quote that Eric Cartman says about a character named Token “Token, how many times do we have to go over this? You’re black. You can play the bass.” In my case, I would be yelling at people to “Respect my authoritah!” even if they were, and say “Screw you guys, I’m going home” to anybody that made me upset or angry, or I would just say it if I was tired and wanted to go home.
My childhood would be very different if I was half Eric Cartman. I would act different towards my family and friends, and I would also have had different hobbies. Towards family, I would be mean and make fun of them. I would not have let my mother read bedtime stories to me before bed, I’d just go to sleep and tell my mother to “Respect my athoritah!” Whenever my father came home from work, I would not have jumped into his lap with joy like I did during my regular childhood, instead I would just stick the middle finger at him. Instead of my older brother teasing me throughout my childhood, I would be the one teasing him, throwing balls at him instead of getting them thrown at me, and make fun of him, calling him “four eyes” since he had glasses. The results of all these actions I would take would result in abandonment from my family. My friendships would be very different if I was half Eric Cartman in my childhood. I would make fun of my friends all of the time, I would even be a school bully towards other children. I would keep teasing my friend about how short she is, since my best friend in my real childhood was short. In reality, people would act like my friend but deep down inside hate me for making fun of them and being mean. I would have no friends by the time I reach middle school and everybody would despise me. Instead of my childhood hobbies being playing sports, playing with friends, playing with toys, and playing outside, I would have spent my childhood eating junk food, especially potpie, and playing video games beating my brother at them. I would have ended up being overly obese and very lazy and unmotivated to this day.
In conclusion, If I were half Monica Ballarano and half Eric Cartman, I would end up in a mental facility locked up for the rest of my life.