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Raea Mae - Chapter 1

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So this is the first chapter for a book I'm working on :) Honest feedback would be hugely appreciated & If you'd like feedback on your own work, just let me know! Hope you enjoy :D



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OldYoungOne said...
Dec. 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm
The emotion jumps from the page and grabs at the innocence in me. I like that it's relatable and that it has correct grammar (unlike me I still need pratice with it). Great job nothing more nothing less............................................ Oh yeah I've got some new stuff posted you mind checking it out?
 
OldYoungOne replied...
Dec. 19, 2012 at 12:23 pm
I can imagine every little thing told in this piece. I am excited to read the next one.
 
Snowflakes replied...
Dec. 20, 2012 at 11:20 am
Thanks a lot :) Glad to know you liked it! And yes, I'll check out your stuff :) 
 
Atl.Braves03This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 27, 2012 at 8:19 pm
I really liked it. You have a firm grasp on grammer too, which is a plus because many of the people here on TI don't.   I do have one suggestion though, and you could take it or leave it. Sometimes, great authors such as Hemingway and O'Connor matched their writing style with the character they were writing about. Maybe, because it's a 7 year old who is narrating, you could incorporate that a little more into it. Just a thought.   Overall, I thought it was really go... (more »)
 
Snowflakes replied...
Nov. 28, 2012 at 4:35 pm
You see, I was considering this. But the only problem with that is that it's like her writing this story when she's older, if you get what I mean? So I'm not sure if it will work in this case. However, thank you for the advice and comment :) 
 
CammyS said...
Nov. 26, 2012 at 7:26 am
I loved the story! I really felt like the characters were real. I thought that Papa leaving was so heart-wrenching, and you really wrote it well. Just one question- why is the story in the comments and the comments in the story?
 
Snowflakes replied...
Nov. 27, 2012 at 3:58 pm
Thanks a bunch :D And I'm not actually sure... It just sort of happened and I don't know how to change it haha :P 
 
Ellie M. said...
Nov. 17, 2012 at 4:56 pm
This actually made me cry, especially when the dad left. I loved it! Only critisism is I think you could have explained how the mother died before ending it, but I'll definaely read the next one :)
 
Snowflakes replied...
Nov. 18, 2012 at 7:05 am
Thank you :) and that comes later on in the story - she basically keeps looking back on her life throughout it. It's such a main part of the story that I wanted to include it later on :) 
 
Ellie M. replied...
Nov. 18, 2012 at 12:23 pm
aaaah okaii, that makes sense :)
 
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