Congratulations! Your Nerd has Evolved into Internet Troll

October 23, 2012
By derpy BRONZE, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
derpy BRONZE, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Nerds, dorks, and dweebs have been around since the beginning of time. We've all seen one at least once in our lifetime, and they’re definitely not going extinct anytime soon. As time progresses, we evolve, and now days with the internet a whole new species of nerd has developed, the internet troll. The internet troll is simply a socially awkward being that is more accustomed to being in a dark room lit only by a computer screen, than being outside surrounded other people and sunlight.

Most internet trolls start the day out in one of two ways. The first one being rolling out of bed with just enough time to throw on whatever clothing they own isn’t dirty and at least try to look clean. This option has some difficult aspects as most trolls are up until the wee hours of the morning playing video games and/or surfing the web. The second way is to not even go to sleep and to go to school looking like something crusty that climbed out from under someone’s bed. Of course this doesn’t apply to internet trolls who have graduated high school. They can do whatever they want. The rest day for internet trolls consists of going to school, not enjoying it, not interacting with others, and then going home. As you can see trolls lead some of the most exciting lives among humans.

Internet trolls are very complex and unique in many ways. Something that plays a key part in their lives is rage comics and memes. Trolls don’t eat food; they read rage comics. They also do not drink water; they absorb the truth and hilarity behind all memes. Becoming and being an internet troll is no easy feat, one must be fully dedicated and even then mastery may take several years. Being an internet troll isn’t all fun and games though, it’s not easy. To be an internet troll one must not have a social life, so all of his or her time can be dedicated to the internet. He or she must also not be a noob, or a person who has little to no experience with something and is making it very obvious. To be a successful internet troll you must know what you’re talking about. One responsibility of a troll is to constantly be undercover, ready to spring into action and correct noobs on the internet with you extensive nerd knowledge. This is commonly known as nerd rage. Internet trolls are extremely prone to nerd rage and cannot be calmed down until they are either put to sleep or have won the argument. Two internet trolls, one against the other, can be either a very dangerous situation and should be avoided at all costs.

A troll may not actually physically hang out with people within his or her own school, town, state or country, but many ideas are shared over the internet thus making friendships with many other trolls from many places across the globe. Websites like Reddit, Memebase, 9Gag, or Tumblr are the troll’s natural habitat. While prowling these websites, the internet troll has an almost unbreakable emotional barrier. When on the internet, internet trolls are known to use many phrases to express joy and/or that he or she is laughing, such as, “Lol,” or “That’s so true,” or even, “Wow that’s cool.” This barrier is only broken when a fit of nerd rage is had.

This world of ours goes through many changes, and so do its people. The classification “nerd” has expanded and evolved into something totally new, and now includes the category internet troll within its hold.

The author's comments:
I love this piece and had to submit it as an assignment for English class, but in the end I was really happy with it. I got to be as creative as I wanted to be and let my own internet troll/nerd flourish. I hope everyone thinks it's as epic as I do.

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