July 16, 2008
By Lindsey Luker, Bessmer, AL

Hey my name is Jenna and I live in Las Vagus, Nevada. I have two brothers Jhen and Chen.
“Jenna get up” my mom said
“Because you have to go to school”
“Gimmie ten minuets”
“No, get up now”
“Fine” I said sourly

I got up like my mom told me to. I slowly got into the shower, it was so sourly cold. When you get into the shower to late that’s what you get.
“Jenna hurry downstairs so you can eat your brother's is already eating” My mom yelled upstairs.
“Yes mom” I replied.
Honk, honk, the school bus horn sounded.
“No breakfast for me” I thought
“Bye Mom” my brothers and I yelled.
We rushed to the bus so we could go to school. When we got on the bus I heard someone calling my name.
“Jenna over here’
Where is that coming from me wondered?
“Sit down” the bus driver said to me
“Jenna are you gonna sit with me?”
I looked for the person who was saying that. I saw that it was Kayla. We arrived at school about an hour after the bus driver picked us up. When the bus pulled up to the school the bell rang to go to class. I rushed from my locker and to class. When we arrived in class our teacher told us to take our seat. Our teacher handed out work packets and we started working on the work packets. Thirty minuets later I was called to the office. I started trembling in my seat. I have never been to the office before I barely even know where it is. When I got to the office I saw a cop standing there with Jhen and Chen. I stood there trembling and terrified thinking if I had done something wrong and I was going to get arrested.
“Jenna” the cop said
“Yes, sir” I replied
“You and your brothers need to come with me” the cop said in a sad voice.
“Why?” I replied
“I can not tell you here, but I will tell you in the car” the officer said

We went straight to the cop car. When we got in the car the officer told us to buckle up, so we did.
“Well kids, the reason I took you from school is because your parents are in the hospital”
“For what?” my brother asked
“They were in a car accident” the cop aensered
I started crying in the backseat. My brothers moved closer to me to comfort me. At that moment all that was going through my head was that this can’t be true. As we arrived at the hospital the cop had a call on his radio. It was about my parent’s car accident.
“462 this is 690 do you copy”
“This is 462 we copy”
“We have a lead on case 421”
“Alright 462 is on the way”
“What’s wrong?” I yelled in a panting voice
“We don’t know? They may have found their car. Bye. Kids. Yall need to go see your parents” Said the cop
Me and my brothers got out of the car, and went into the hospital. We went up to the receptionist’s desk.
“Hello how can I help you” the receptionists said
“Yes, we are looking for the last name Baker. We are their kids. They are in the emergency room. They were in a car accident.” Chen Said
“Hold on”
The receptionists picked up the phone
“Hey I need Bakers doctor to come up front” The Receptionists said on the phone
“He is on the way” The Receptionists said to me
I look to my side and saw some one in scrubs.
“Hi I’m Doctor Dave” The doctor said
“Are you my Parents doctor” Chen said
“I am sorry they died twenty minuets ago”
As he said those last words I leaned over into my brothers arms. Chin asked” May we see a copy of the injury repot”
The Doctor shakes his head.
The Doctor gave Chin a copy of the injury report and then left.
“Is there anyone you could call?” The receptionists asked politely
“Our grandmother” Chin aensurs
We called our grandmother to come and get up. She dose not really like my mom and dad. We waited outside about twenty minuets before she came and got us. I am still sobbing when we get into the car. First we ride to our house and get some of our things. Then we ride to her house and she explains what happened to their car. She said it just went off the road. She keeps saying how bad our mom and dad raised us. We have lived with our grandmother a couple weeks now and my friends are begging me to go back to church. I don’t really care about it anymore. If God was real my parents wouldn’t have died. Yesterday, my brother, Jhen caught me smoking crack. He told Grandma and I was really grounded. Oh well that does stop me. I thinking about joining this gang called the Snake backs. You get all the drugs you can handle. It’s awesome. They also mentioned you have to kill someone to get in. I didn’t think it was true. I’m not sure about doing this. Now I know it is true. They gave me a name and an address, thy told me to choose a time and place. I stalked the person until I knew their sechdule for every minuet. Then I knew the time and place to do it. So I’m actcutly gonna do it. I did it and left my hat at the scene. When I got back to the headquarters, I started snorting so that I could get the image of the body out of my mind. Suddenly I blacked out. All I could see was fire. Suddenly some man came up to me. It was the devil, and this is hell. People were chained to the walls and fire was all around.
People were yelling “Help, I need water” “Let me go”
Then the devil started walking towards me. Then it was like a white light came and was in my eyes. God came over and touched me. I was weeping on the floor. He held out hid hand to help me up. He told me to drink from the fountain I woke up and saw my grandmother. She told me I overdosed and was in a coma. I was so sad and at the moment.
I prayed to God “Lord, please come into my heart. Forgive me for what I have done.”
Now, next time my friends ask me to go to church I won’t say no.

Similar Articles


This article has 1 comment.

on Aug. 1 2010 at 12:36 pm
kielymarie SILVER, Sandy Hook, Connecticut
6 articles 0 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When you do dance, I wish you a wave 'o the sea, that you might never do nothing but that." -William Shakespeare

This is an okay idea, but it needs some serious work. I don't understand the variation of the names, and it's all very choppy.  Your biggest issue is that there's no emotion from the characters. This is a very emotional story, but your characters are like rocks- so try to empathize with them. Put yourself in their shoes. Edit this, and you'll be fine.

MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!