The Girl

July 12, 2008
By Punky Kramer, Erie, PA

The girl you think of as the girl next door, the dork, the band geek, the conservative one, is more than just that. She's the girl that is the one that needs the complement, the concern the most and she's the one that never gets it. So she's a little quiet, a little different who cares try to break through the brick wall she built to protect herself from years of being bullied, picked on, left out, and made fun of. The reason she's quiet is because she doesn’t always know where she can turn for help. She's the one who has a good home life but not as good as she lets on. The girl is the one who sits with the new kids to try and make friends even though she knows after a while they'll have friends and leave her behind just like the friend she had in kinder garden. She's the girl who seems calm and collected but on the inside she's a wreck. She's confused and never lets anyone know that she's confused, because on the outside even though she's considered a dork a few people go to her for advice and even though she can give it she can't always receive it in return. She's the girl who is just there; you know who I'm talking about the girl who hides behind her hair and behind the baggy clothes, her glasses, and other people. She does a lot for her school but only one sport so everybody says she does nothing at all. She's the girl that hates gym not because of the physical part of it but the people she has to take it with. She's the smart one but she hides it because she doesn't want to get made fun of any more. She doesn't care what people say about her but she just can't take being fun of anymore because she's had enough.

She's the girl that has to watch the boy she has a major crush on fall all over another girl. The worst part of giving advice is when the boy she's crushing on is her only real male friend and he comes to her for advice about how to go about asking the girl he has a crush on out on a date. Now in the mind of many young girls they would give their friend bad advice so he would maybe ask her out, but in this case she gives him the advice before she realizes that she has feelings for him. Now even though the boy she's crushing on his after someone else she still hurt when he told her that the girl he's crushing on got asked out one day before he was going to ask her so he was hurting. Let's just say that this girl doesn't really know how to tell him without loosing him as her only real school friend that she can turn too, because who can rely on a friend who is never at school so she really has no girl friends because like I said she's always absent because she's either sick or afraid of being made fun of for at least talking to the girl.

The girl is someone who doesn't mean much to you because she's not the girl that has the best clothes, best fashion sense or whatever but she is a person too. She's the girl that's never had a boyfriend because she's not the skinniest, the prettiest, and she's the not the girl who wears a short school skirt to get people's attention. This girl you're thinking of isn't always comfortable around people not because she's afraid but because the people she's around have made her uncomfortable. She's the girl who wears a long skirt because she's not comfortable with the way she looks because she's always been put down. She's the girl that isn't allowed to go anywhere because of family events, and because of this no one likes her. She's the girl who has the most complicated life of anyone in her school but she doesn't let it show. She's the girl who isn't allowed to wear makeup because her mom and grandma don't want her to turn out like her mom as sad as that sounds.

Nobody can describe this girl except like this she's sweet but quiet, caring but relaxed, energetic but calm, confused but so certain, there but gone, everyone thinks they have her figured out but they're so wrong. She's the girl who can't break away from her glasses because they're like a safety net for her she feels that she can hide her eyes when they film over with tears. She knows a lot about herself however there are days when she doesn't understand herself at all. This girl has a very complex life for being so young but she doesn't show it she hides it because she's afraid to let anyone in. She can only rely on a few people and when she can't rely on those people she crumbles.
The girl has a heart and mind that play teeter totter when it comes to her step dad's innocents or guilt for murder. She's the girl who smiles to hide her pain from the rest of the world so that way they don't give her sympathy because she wants no one’s sympathy just they're respect. I think you can understand that because that’s really everyone’s main goal in life whether they know it or not.

This is the girl who has never met her father and never wants to because he was never there for her so she could care less whether or not he's dead or alive. Think about it do you know a girl like this? I think if you look at the description and think about it for a minute I’m sure you will think of something.

This is the girl who has the promising future even though she’s going to have a hard time getting there she will, and as everyone watches this girl grow up they see a promising young girl even if she doesn’t always see it in herself. She’s grateful for everything she has and everyone who she knows does care and she’s come to the point where she never takes anything for granted especially her life because she as had two near death experiences.

This girl is beyond any expectations that her mother had for her, she’s smart and her mother tells her that she has a silent beauty even though when she looks in the mirror all she sees is bushy eyebrows and glasses. She’s the girl that gets about eight hours of sleep each week, not day, week but she hides the bags under her eyes with the only make-up she’s allowed to wear, cover-up. This is the girl that has four people on her buddy list and talks to them whenever they’re on because she’s lonely.

This is the girl who has on of the greatest male friends who she could always turn but this boy doesn’t know it yet. She fits in with adults but she hasn’t the slightest idea of how to fit in with kids her own age. She’s the girl who gets laughed at when she tries to use slang because she knows how to use it but like the word “dad” it just doesn’t sound right coming from her so she doesn’t try anymore. She’s the girl who writes beautifully but no one in her class cares because they hate to write and condemn anyone who likes it or can do it well, she just can’t blend in.

She’s tried to dress like the popular people but then when she looks in the mirror she feels guilty for selling herself short, so she never does it again. She’s the girl that’s never had a boyfriend, been kissed, or even hugged by a boy unless you count the time when she was in sixth grade and she hugged a boy because his dad died and they both knew it was a sympathy hug I mean like I said his dad died (that’s a reason to hug somebody).

She’s the girl that stays up late just thinking about everything and about things she could have changed, done differently, or just avoided all together. She gets up early so she can just be alone and again think. She doesn’t always know what she thinks about but she just thinks about everything even when it jumbles all together. Sometimes when she thinks she cries and she doesn’t know why she’s crying all she knows is that she is.

She’s the girl that doesn’t get invited to movies, open skate, a trip to the mall, or anything. She’s the girl that is afraid of high school because she doesn’t want to get made fun of on a larger scale than what she already does. This is the girl who spends New Year’s Eve watching Dick Clark’s special and spending it with her family and one true friend who always comes over and is more like her sister than her best friend. The reason her and her one true friend are so close is because they never have gone to the same school so the clicks have never gotten in between their friendship because that’s how a friendship should be. She wasn’t even invited to a New Year’s Eve that the whole eighth grade got invited to besides her and one boy.

This is the girl who gets embarrassed by just messing up when she’s reading in class because everyone is so critical towards her even though if one of the cheerleaders do it they just laugh at it because they have a lot of friends. She’s the girl who acts for her school even though she can’t sing all that well. The reason she doesn’t sing as good as a lot of the other girls in her acting group is because she can’t afford singing lessons and the only reason she acts in the first place is so that all eyes can be on her for her a change. She doesn’t care if the eyes are looking at her critically or not she just wants them to see her for a person instead of a waste of space.
The girl has this to say: I may not be the prettiest, the fastest in sports, or whatever but I have something that a lot of girls my age have lost, values in myself, in my family and in my friends. Even though I have few friends when I am with them I feel as if I have the world. I am me and no one else; I’m not going to pretend something I’m not for other people’s benefit. I am playing the game of my life fairly and I’m not cheating or bending the rules so if that means me being “uncool” I don’t care, I have morals.

This the girl who will go far, who will value everything she has, who will be the first to sacrifice herself for the ones who hate her, who every time you look into her eyes you’ll see great pain, great sacrifice but at the same time love. This is the girl that a lot of people see everyday however not to many people know her they see her more as a bystander even though a lot of people in her class have no clue what the word “bystander” is that’s how they see her.

This girl has dreams, not regular field of flower kinds of dreams but intense dreams that make her wake up in the middle of the night with cold sweats crying because they seemed so weird and out of place. And you know how they always say when you die in your dreams you die in real life that’s not true because if it was this girl wouldn’t still be alive. She is not boy crazy however she has dreams about a boy that she doesn’t even like that way, or so she thinks. She acts normal around him even though she wants to grab his shoulders and start screaming about what’s been going on (the dreams). Ever since these odd dreams she doesn’t know what’s up or down anymore. She finds herself distracted during normal activities, she finds herself exhausted during the day, she feels like she’s going to throw up every time she gets around him and she can’t focus when taking notes it like her eyes film over and she can see just not the words written in front of her. She wants to tell him but she doesn’t want to loose her credibility as “just one of the guys” so she doesn’t know what to do.

This is the girl who smiles to hide tears, who laughs to hide pain, who jokes around to seem normal, who is usually quiet because she doesn’t know what to say, who gives advice to hide her own problems. She is reserved because she doesn’t know how put her up and take a stand even though in seventh grade she took a stand when she pushed a boy half way across the class room because she had it with people making fun of her and let’s just say he was the one that pushed over board. This is the girl who stands right in front of you and you don’t even see her, you just go on about your business and in the end you forget she’s there.

This is the girl who doesn’t enter her school talent show because of the rude comments she got from her classmates and their parents from previous years when she did do it. So she hides and sinks down when they ask for volunteers and all of her classmates urge her so that they can make fun of her. Then when she hears them she goes along with it and pretends she didn’t here them even though she did and she took it to heart. It’s not that she doesn’t want to get up there her family won’t let her because of what happened. She doesn’t argue with them because she knows they’re right so she asks and one no is enough for her.

This girl sits in her room turns on the music really loud to the point where she can’t herself scream. She hides behind her music and when she has a bad day she goes and makes c.d. mixes so that way she’s distracted from her feelings. She’s good at hiding her feelings and the one person in her family that she went to all the time no matter what was her great grandma however she passed away so this girl feels lost not knowing where she can go for just someone to talk to.

This girl writes beautifully and well it’s like you’re standing in front of her and she’s talking to you however nobody cares that she can write well they just want her to read her stories to kill class time. She tried it once when she was in the sixth grade when she really first discovered that she had a talent bad mistake because still nag her about and its two years later. So she hasn’t tried it since and she never wants to, she doesn’t get nervous in front of large groups except for her class because they’re to critical towards her if she messes up it never gets dropped. That’s why she never reads in church because the two times she did she messed up and everybody laughed at her when she got back to class.

This girl thinks things through before she does them and because of that nobody really likes to have her do things with them and even if she did she wouldn’t be allowed; let’s just say her family keeps her on a very tight leash. She knows why she doesn’t fit in at school but she doesn’t know why no one at school is like her at all and she’s gotten to the point where she doesn’t care what “they” think.

This girl is the girl that will overcome many obstacles untouched and then others she’ll be bloody but she’ll get through them even though some may be harder then others. This girl will see her own flaws and realize everyone has them but she won’t judge them for their looks, their attitude, their race, religion, or anything because she knows she isn’t perfect and nobody is. Even though the one she doesn’t judge is judging her, she knows one thing and one thing only that’s guaranteed in life and that’s that there is always going to be someone who doesn’t like her for her.

This girl is also going to go some where and then when she does she can look down look down on the people that have looked down on her, her whole school life, and the people that have stood by her will be standing right next to her shaking their heads at the jerks that are now begging for the girl’s forgiveness. All of her friends and family see promise in her at the age of thirteen this girl has gotten an acceptance letter from a publisher to publish her book and when she told her teacher about that her teacher said one thing about it, “A lot of people wait their whole lives for a letter like this and you’ve got it in your hands at thirteen, you’ll be the one, you’ll be the one.” She thinks she knows what her teacher means but she’s not sure exactly she took it two ways and she’s not sure which one is right. She just hopes for the best and prays for a cause in this world, she always says that she’s on the bottom social pyramid we call life trying to find a way to get on top but she always gets pushed back down to the bottom.

People may think that this girl is a geek but she’s not nobody is people are just different, they have different feelings, personalities, looks, concerns, thoughts, everything. This girl may not like people but she won’t pull up their flaws unless she just needs to vent her feelings to whoever asks her what’s wrong. Everybody needs someone to talk to about everything or else they’ll explode at the worst possible time, trust me I know from experience and let’s just say it came back to haunt me and still does to this day. This girl has problems when it comes to making friends because everyone who seems to be around her is superficial for example some wear so much make-up it’s almost like looking at a raccoon when you look at their eyes and she’s not like that she’s anything nut superficial. She gets up in the morning for school brushes her teeth, gets into her uniform, brushes her hair, makes sure she doesn’t have anything her teeth and she’s done, she gets ready for school in literally four minutes compared to some girls she knows who spend about a half an hour.

This girl talks to everyone whether they like her or not, she doesn’t care, and she stops when they don’t even look at her but other than that she just keeps talking she wants to be heard and she’s done it once she’ll be heard again and I’ll bet my life on that, because I know she will. This is the girl who does something and doesn’t brag she gets excited but she doesn’t brag because she tries not to I mean occasionally but that’s when she doesn’t realize she’s doing it but who doesn’t?
Well that’s all there is to say about the girl, so just remember just because someone is like you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t break through their brick wall and try to understand her. Even if you don’t become her best friend you’ll make someone’s day because they’ll appreciate that you tried. So look for this girl she may be closer than you think.

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