Jason and his Wandering Mind Part 2

July 10, 2008
By Raymond Lantz, Henderson, NV

“O you foul beast, come to me and fall upon my sword. With my bare hands I shall ripe your heart from your body. I shall sever your head from your shoulders and parade throughout this town with it protruding from a pike. Your entrails shall be the reins of my warhorse, your skin shall be my coat, your blood shall be the flavor in my wine tonight.”

“Snakes don’t have shoulders you moron, and if you haven’t noticed I’m made of stuffing and cloth, ergo, I have not internal organs. Idiot!”

Syme was perched on top off the wall unit, far from the reach of the romanesque warrior and his sword. Jason was sitting on the couch and had watched this fight progress over the past ten minutes. It had all started when the roman solider had burst into the living room demanding the fairest maiden in this city as his prize. Jason and Syme, who at the time were discussing the safety of consuming dairy products, were quite taken back by the soldier’s grand entrance and his lack of proper clothing, or clothing in general. Syme so much so that he had asked the warrior if his lack of clothing was only to make up for certain areas in which the solider might be lacking. And this lead back to the situation at hand, Syme was stuck on top of the wall unit and the warrior was still hacking at the air in vain.

This was made even more problematic by the fact that Jason’s friend Amanda was supposed to come over within the next five minutes. Even though Amanda was one of the few people Jason trusted enough to let her in on his visions, it would still be a pain because she would want to see them and then when she saw that there was a half-naked man swinging a sword at a neurotic plush snake all sorts of uncomfortably questions would ensue.

Jason’s stepfather Max entered the room and began to pour himself a margarita, glancing up on occasion and looking at the wall unit.

“Are they still going at it?” Max asked after he finished making his drink.

“ See for yourself. The camera is over on dad’s desk,” said Jason, still staring at the solider and serpent.

Max walked over to the desk and grabbed the camera and returned to his fruit explosion of a drink. Sipping his margarita, Max gazed through the camera and saw that the Roman was now attempting to climb the wall unit but failing due to the fact that he had a giant shield on one arm and a long sword in his other hand. Max took his drink and sat down next to Jason, still gazing through the camera.

“Man, he’s like a bronze God.”

“Ohh, come on now. I’m going to be getting enough of this from Amanda; I really don’t need to be hearing this from you.”

“It’s not my fault the guy is built like a stallion. He’s in your mind isn’t he? Doesn’t that mean he is part of your subconscious? Is there something your not telling me, Jason?” Max said, smiling over the top of his margarita glass.

There were a couple short knocks on the front door. Glad for the reprieve Jason got up to let Amanda in.

Turning back to Max as he went to the front door, Jason said, “Honestly if I had control over what I was able to see this house would be full of Jessica Alba clones and beer.”

Max burst out laughing just as Jason opened the door. Amanda stood there in a short yellow summer dress that was accompanied by yellow buckle shoes and knee-high lace socks. In her outfit her dark eyes shone out from under her long brown hair.

“Hey Amanda, you dress like a freak,” Jason said letting her into the house.

“ And hello to you too, Jason. Hello Max.”

“Sup, Sunny,” said Max as he began to recover from his laughing fit.

“ Now, what is this I hear of Jessica Alba clones and beer? If you ask me, Jason, it sounds like one of your midnight fantasies,” Amanda replied as she sat down next to Max who, having fully recovered from his fit, began to laugh again. “So is there any new ones today?”

Passing by Max, Jason took the camera from him and handed it to Amanda as he sat down next to her.

Amanda put the camera up to her eye and, looking through it, saw the roman warrior pulling at Syme’s tail, trying to dislodge him from the basket of faux flowers that adorned the wall unit.

“Look at him! He looks like a model in one of those underwear ads you see at bus stops. It’s like his six-pack is made out of steel. And he came out of your mind? I seriously doubt that you could make anything like him.”

Hearing the complements flooding out of Amanda, the solider let go of Syme’s tail and, striking a pose, said, “I thank you for your admiration my dear maiden. Your words are like the song of a siren to me, captivating my very heart and soul. I have decided! You squires, I have chosen this girl to be my prize, prepare her for my departure at once.”

Having caught his breath, Syme said, “I honestly do not see a bulge in those leather speedos.”

Having heard Syme’s observation the solider once again began slashing at Syme, who had already backed himself out of reach. “But first I must vanquish this foul dragon and his heart shall be my gift to you on our wedding,” said the solider as he once again tried to climb the wall unit.

“ O, isn’t that sweet,” said Amanda as she put the camera down. “I jealous of you Jason, always getting to look at half naked men sweating up a storm.”

“I feel the masculinity being sucked out of me with every comment the two of you make,” said Justin as he got up to get sodas from the refrigerator.

“Just close your eyes and think of Jessica Alba,” smirked Max as he got up to fix himself another margarita.

“O.K., enough fun and games. Do either of you have any ideas on how to get the roman rage to clam down?”

Amanda got up to join the other you in the kitchen and suggested, “What if we give him a handful of sleeping pills?”

“I’m pretty sure,” said Jason as he handed a soda to Amanda, “that nothing short of a horse tranquilizer is going to take him down.”

“I have some tranquilizers upstairs. Let me go get them.” Receiving curious looks from Amanda and Jason, Max corrected himself, “Just kidding, why on earth would I have horse tranquilizers upstairs. And kids, drugs are bad, don’t do ‘em.”

“Thanks for the elderly advice, Max,” replied Amanda.

“No problem little lady. Ohh wait, I have an idea! Jason, go and give him my margarita.” Receiving some more curious looks, Max added, “The guy’s from Rome, right, so do you think he has had a margarita before? It will at least clam him down enough to get his name.”

Giving in, Jason took the margarita over to the solider as both Amanda and Max raced to the couch to get the camera and watch what would happen.

Jason tapped the solider on the back and when he turned around offered him the drink and said, “It’s really refreshing and tasty.”

Glad for something to drink the solider sat on the ground and began to sip the margarita. Jason went over to the couch and sat down next to Amanda and Max, who were huddled around the digital camera small screen.

“This drink, it is Amazing! It is like the nectar of the gods! Pray tell you three, what is this concoction made of?” said the solider as he began to guzzle the margarita down.

“The blood of your enemies” shouted Max before Jason could reply.

“Yes!” shouted the Warrior.

“The lust of virgins” shouted Amanda, eager to join.


“Hold on! Before this goes any further, what is your name?” said Jason as he covered Amanda and Max’s mouths.

“Oh yeah, I should have said that in the beginning. It’s Maverick. Maverick the Gladiator,” said Maverick with a mouth full of margarita.

“I’m sorry but I really don’t see anything in those leather way-too-short shorts,” said the forgotten Syme.

Maverick threw his drink aside and yelled, “I shall cut you in half and eat your internal organs, you slimy rat!”

Jason let out a long sigh, let go of Amanda and Max, and leaned back on the couch and covered his eyes.

“Just look at it this way: at least you were able to get his name.” said Amanda as she leaned against Jason.

Similar Articles


This article has 0 comments.


MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!