As I sit here in the dark, and the silence is mocking me. It tells me how much I screwed up and how I shouldn't have given up. It tells me that I needed to man up, to stand up and finally take control......But I can't. As I sit here in the derailing silence....the ominous quiet, I'm crying. With every teardrop comes a memory. As they fall gracefully to the floor below, I can see. In each individual drop, I can see a conversation, a smile, a kiss we once shared. I remember how great we were and how desperately I want to have that feeling you once gave me back. When those droplets finally hit the ground, they meet their grave. So does every little memory replaying in each. I cry at my mistake. I weep at my loss. I become infuriated with myself. "How could I be so weak?" "How could I let things turn out the way they did?" You were the only person that was able to place a permanent smile on my face. Only you, could bring the happiness that overflowed from my being. Now, I'm left suffering. I'm left alone, and that smile I once had is now erased. It will never be the same. We will never be the same. We spent a short time together. We never got a chance to grow. Even though the time we shared seemed insignificant, the joy you brought and the impact you made will forever be implanted in my heart. Have you ever had that feeling you get when you know that you've loss something great? Do you know how it feels to be pressured to end something magnificent? The pain is unbearable, and it makes my eyes pour. Those wounds are forever fresh, which makes me cry even more. They say that time heals all wounds. Well until that happens.......I'll sit here, alone in the silence, alone in the dark, alone with myself. It's funny, you told me that you'd be there for me whenever I needed you. Who would've thought that right now, after you've gone away, would be the time that I needed you the most?


Before, I used to sit and cry in a whirlwind of negative thoughts about how I screwed up. Before I used to moan and complain about how I desperately wanted to make it better. That was the old me, the naive me. I'm much wiser now. I've learned that everyone has their falls at some point in their life. I taught myself to rise from those falls, and to make each negative into a positive. Dwelling on the past will only keep me from reaching my ultimate goal, my future. I have to move on.....even if I don't want to. We all have obstacles to face in this thing we call life. We all have to suffer before we find happiness. Well I can say that my suffering is over. I will no longer let the past haunt me. I will conquer it, my fear of forgetting. I can never forget all the times we had together. They made me stronger. You made me stronger. You made me happy and you've earned a permanent place in my heart. I used to cry an overwhelming amount of tears whenever I thought of you. Every time I spoke your name, depression would instantly rain over me. But like I said, that was the old me. The new me, smiles at the thought of you. The new me, is thankful for what you've done to keep me sane. The new me, has learned to accept the fact that our lives travel different paths.......and that's fine with me. Never will I forget how you used to make me feel. Never will I forget the smile on your face. Never will I forget that you made me who I am today. This is my triumphant awakening, my time of renewal. It's time I move on from the past, and make sure that it never brings me down again.