The Amazing World of Whines

September 26, 2012
By SSarah BRONZE, Central Point, Oregon
SSarah BRONZE, Central Point, Oregon
4 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Be who you are & say what you feel. Those who mind, don't matter. Those who matter, don't mind."
~ Dr. Seuss

Whiny children are a permanent fixture in most societies. They are not a rare breed and therefore are in no way close to extinction. Their non- stop chatter and whiny voices pollute the air constantly. Each breath they breathe has the potential to become a new whine. When they see something new that catches their eye, they need to do no more than open their never ceasing chatter-boxes. Every person, with or without children, have the joy to experience whining first hand almost any where they go. A child’s whine is very close to being equivalent with the cuteness of a puppy when it whines. One cannot help but instantly fall in love with the cute, sweet whine.

When we think about it, where would we be without our dear, little whiny children? It has come to my attention that we would most likely miss them greatly. Their nagging would be silenced, leaving us in an uncomfortable quiet. Eventually, the before mentioned silence would turn into an abnormal amount of peace, alone time and naps. We would no longer know what do to with ourselves and all this peace and quiet would eventually lead to insanity, all due to the lack of nagging.

Also, one would be left with an over abundance of patience and nothing productive to do with it. When dealing with a whining child, one needs much patience, and when the child is taken out of the equation, there is a surplus of patience. This surplus, in addition to the overdose of peace and quiet, would cause a nuclear explosion in one’s head. Of course, all of this would be an awful thing, so we must all work together to help prevent it!

The obvious solution is to be sure to give into their every wish and desire so as to ensure the continued whining and nagging that we have all come to adore. The sweet, beautiful sound of a child’s nag is enough to keep any person from having an awfully sane life. Sanity is for less fortunate people who get the task of dealing with reality. So next time the opportunity arises to hear the whines for the newest and coolest toy, clothing or pet that every kid “needs,” be sure to soak it all in. If they are not given just the right amount of whine time, one will feel incomplete. Be sure to allow at least one day in order to achieve optimal whining levels. Remember how the screams of terrified little children powered the whole monster world in Disney’s “Monster’s Inc”? That is what a whine does for our society. It is almost a fact that we would be absolutely lost without the amazing thing we call whining.

Not only do we thrive on this whining, but so do the children who do the whining. Without whining, their lives would become a deep, dark void with absolutely no purpose. We should ensure that every child has ample opportunities to whine about anything and everything. Then, by extension, this will of course, ensure a happy childhood for the child. After all, what is childhood without constant whining? Whining has become a very important necessity for children to be successful in life. Dire consequences would come about if we were to deprive even one child from the joy and gift of whining.

So whine and be merry!

The author's comments:
I wrote this for a school assignment. We had to write our own satires and this is what I came up with. It was actually a lot of fun to write.

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