I open my eyes. I’m staring at the blackened sky. Its wide expanse glittering with sparks of silver fire like eyes staring at me from far away. It brings me back to my own body, my soul slamming back inside my chest. I’m lying in a field, so empty and yet so full. Night-blooming flowers surround me, their metallic petals dark and dotted with delicate dew. These flowers remind me that I’m lost. The harsh stars echo their chorus of my tears. And over all of this glittering beauty, the full moon hovers, smiling tenderly down on a lost girl with a broken heart. And it’s then that I realize I’m dead. I feel a barrier crash down inside of me as ghosts of ice blue eyes and a brilliant smile infiltrate my mind. I cry now because I’d forgotten Sorin. I’d forgotten the man I love and it makes me scream. I scream in agony and I scream up at the cruel sky. I scream at the harsh, cold earth beneath my body. And I scream at the knowledge that I’ll never see him again. I fall silent after a while, the emptiness around me soaking in the quiet and making it seem infinite. Sitting up, I cradle my head against my knees and wish for peace of mind. The night around me doesn’t fade away when it should and it seems like time has stopped until an intense white light shines from across the field. I stand and find myself mesmerized by the glittering light. It’s then that I notice the delicate white gown pooling around my body. It feels strange and foreign against my skin. Nothing like the red dress Graham had helped me pick out. The same dress he’d first kissed me in and the same dress that I’d died in. Shaking my head, I try to clear my thoughts a little before walking towards the light, hoping that maybe it will kill me completely.
August 19, 2012