June 23, 2008
By Erin Singer, Poway, CA

The movie was winding down. Spiderman was kissing Mary-Jane on screen. It was obvious that this was the romantic ending to the movie. My boyfriend wasn't interested in the movie. Bryan yawned and put his arm around my shoulder. I felt my face burn brighter than fire. Why is it guys are never satisfied with just watching a movie? I studied Bryan's face trying to mentally prepare for what Bryan was probably planning to do. As I studied his face, I noticed sprouted hair above his upper lip. I inspected the disgusting half-stache totally mortified. At that moment, Bryan turned his face to stare deeply into my eyes.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked politely, already tilting his head, expecting a yes. My eyes popped with surprise even though I knew this was coming. I returned his deep stare and stared straight at his... half-stache. I imagined Bryan leaning in to kiss me, rubbing his greasy stache all over my face. I pictured Bryan drinking a glass of milk and having white drops of milk drip from the tiny hairs above his lip. I thought of how he could grow the half mustache out and use it as a blanket during the winter. Or how if you covered it in water, you could freeze it and make little mustache icicles that you could stab tiny ants with. Needless to say, I was completely grossed out.

I shook my head and re-entered reality where Bryan was still waiting for the a-ok to unleash his lips on me. He decided not to wait for an answer. He leaned in, closed his eyes, and puckered up. I used that moment to duck from his reach and whip out my handy-dandy razor from my burse.

Unaware of my hasty razor-retrieval, Bryan continued to lean in, his eyes still closed. He was unprepared as I began to shave away his nasty stache. He opened his eyes which glared at me in anger and confusion.

"Are you shaving my stache?" Bryan shouted. The movie-goers turned away from the uneventful kissing scene in Spiderman to watch some real action.

"Why, yes I am." I answered matter-of-factly, still shaving away as if it was common to shave your boyfriend's mustache during a movie. Bryan grunted and shielded his face from the razor.

"Dude! It took me years to grow this!" He yelled, his face turning splotchy and red.

"How funny! It took years to grow it, and only seconds to shave it!" I responded sarcastically. I grabbed my things and left the theater.

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