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A Satire: Dare to be Beautiful
The Beverley Hills Beauty World was truly a beautiful architectural establishment. Its attractive modern glass finish and striking steel beams gave testimony to the power of the Modern Touch. Dr. Beautaux, the head plastic surgeon and owner of the Beverly Hills Beauty World drove in with his Monday Maserati, his personal favorite. He had recently sold his Friday Ferrari because its look had grown “obsolete” and was therefore worthless. He was first welcomed by the elegant emblem of the Beverly Hills Beauty World, one that he designed personally. The insignia depicted the metamorphosis of a hideous caterpillar, transforming into a beautiful, large-breasted fairy. Below the artwork was a banner that read, “Dare to be Beautiful.” Dr. Beautaux gazed at the sign with both melancholy and pride, in the manner of an unappreciated artist swooning over his own artwork.
As he entered his office, Dr. Beautaux was greeted by his stunningly flawless staff, all blonde, white, and flowing with unpretentious splendor. After all, employees at the Beverly Hills Beauty World received 50% discounts for all treatments.
“Good morning, Dr. Beautaux,” said the receptionist, with an exquisitely faux smile.
“Bonjour mademoiselle, comment ca-va?” replied Dr. Beautaux. It was clear he was in a happy mood. He often turned to speaking French whenever he felt extatique. Unfortunately, these moments were often short lived because Dr. Beautaux had a sou- nominale command of the French language. The French dialect, Dr. Beautaux believed, exemplified the sophisticated brand of glamour that the Beverly Hills Beauty World should strive for.
“Who shall we Beautify today?” asked Dr. Beautaux, business as usual.
“Well, we have Mrs. Lugslie at nine-thirty. She has not yet scheduled a Metamorphosis appointment yet, but she wishes to discuss her options with you.”
“Are you sure? Sally, please double check if she is eligible for our services.” Under his breath Dr. Beautaux quietly added, “Certainly not that ugly wench again? She is utterly hopeless. Artists like me should be more selective about their projects.”
“Her husband tops the list on Forbes every year. She is willing to pay.”
“Dear girl! Money isn’t everything, you know! Shouldn’t you be aware of this by now? Sally, please explain to me the Sacred Mission of our very own Beverly Hills Beauty World.”
“I am terribly sorry Dr. Beautaux. Our mission is to distance our selves from the secular demands of modern society and retain our artistic sensibilities, ultimately striving for the attainment of beauty that is captivating, unique and timeless.”
“Good girl Sally. Have her come in a couple of minutes. Punctuality is also one of our Founding Principles, isn’t that so Sally?”
“Of course, Dr. Beautaux,” Sally answered, with the widest, most realistic smile Dr. Beautaux has ever shaped in his career. Sadly, Dr. Beautaux’s eyes were focused on a more appealing feature of Sally; Sally’s ample, bouncing femininity was enhanced by her revealing sweater. Its barely noticeable asymmetry however, did not escape Dr. Beautaux’s professional eyes. ‘With a little bit of Augmentation on her left and Reduction on her right, Sally would be Perfect,’ thought Dr. Beautaux.
Despite her being an ugly wench (or perhaps because she was an ugly wench), Mrs. Lugslie was an interesting specimen. Her brown-black eyes were oddly shaped, uncomfortably round, and altogether bizarre. Her flat, round nose resembled a rusting door knob. In general, her plump, large face was reminiscent of a diseased cow. Most women, regardless of their appearance, have a way of attracting a mate. Biology and the human race depended on this principle. Mrs. Lugslie, however, seemed to defy this fundamental truth.
“You might be surprised that I came to an aesthetic clinic. You see, I’m already quite pretty. You don’t have to tell me that. It’s not like I hear it all the time or anything. But there’s this small part about my nose that I feel can be better. It feels great to be pretty. But for me, that’s just not enough. Dr. Beautaux, I want to be beautiful. You understand don’t you? ” asked Mrs. Lugslie.
“Indeed. It’s a natural female instinct to seek beauty. I think I know exactly what you want. Your nose can be characterized by what we Artists call, an upturned nose, a facial feature that some might find slightly less appealing. But not to worry! We have a nationally reputable Rhinoplasty procedure that leaves very little trace of surgery. It is only fifteen minutes long! Are you interested?”
“Are you suggesting that I am ugly? How dare you! I did not drive three hours here to get insulted!” screamed Mrs. Lugslie, breaking in to tears.
“Madame Lugslie, you are neither hideous, nor ugly, nor unattractive. In our modern society, everyone is born equal. Anybody can become beautiful. It just takes patience. You, Madame Lugslie, are just fifteen minutes away from being Beautiful,” responded Dr. Beautaux, as if recapping a well-rehearsed speech.
“I would like to schedule this Rhinoplasty procedure as soon as possible.”
“A wise decision, Madame Lugslie. We shall get started right away. But of course, we must discuss the shaping of your nose first! The Jennifer Aniston is in season these days. As you might have noticed, the Aesthetic Trends have shifted towards a more classic brand of prettiness—one that you will never grow sick of when looking in the mirror.”
“Yes, that would be great.”
And so Dr. Beautaux undertook the task of improving the hopelessly ugly wench. As promised, the Master Artist finished his work in exactly fifteen minutes. Improved and Beautified, Mrs. Lugslie was reborn. Tragically, this rebirth was but a fleeting moment. Dr. Beautaux overestimated the thickness of Mrs. Lugslie’s skull and inadvertently penetrated Mrs. Lugslie’s frail and empty brain.
“At least she died Beautiful,” said Dr. Beautaux, consoling her grieving staff. “Beauty always has its price ladies—for some, the price is greater than that of others. Mrs. Lugslie was just courageous enough to pay for it. She died a happy and valiant death.” After reassuring his employees, Dr. Beautaux proceeded to complete the Accident Template (Female) for the displeased Lugslie family;
To whomever it may concern,
I write to send my sympathies for the deeply unfortunate death of your relation, __________. She was a charming, beautiful lady and an absolute pleasure to work with. I can’t imagine what a tremendous loss she must be to your family. It is my dearest hope that your present pain will heal with time. I wish you nothing but the best.
The Beverly Hills Beauty World
P.S Attached is the surgery waiver form and _________’s medical history. It should be clear from both of these documents that the Beverly Hills Beauty World assumes no responsibility for this tragic accident.
To convey a sense of intimacy, Dr. Beautaux occasionally wrote a couple more lines to the templates. However, Dr. Beautaux was rather busy that day; he was scheduled for an appointment with an Aston Martin car dealer. Italian cars, apparently, were out of fashion.