Why do Men wear ties?

June 20, 2008
By Maddie and Beth Beard and Sanchez, Rochester, WA

One day Roger came home from school complaining. “Mom, my neck is hurting really bad!”

“Oh, its probably nothing but if it continues to hurt tell me.” said Mom.

During the week Roger's neck just kept on hurting. Everyday after school he said the same thing. “Mom my neck still hurts!“ Finally one day his mom was tired of hearing him complain so she sent his father up to his room to give him the talk .

His dad sighed, "Okay, son. I think it's time we had the talk.”

“You mean about the birds and the bees. Ya know 'cause-”

“No, No, No not that talk." Roger's dad interrupted.

“Okay then what talk?”

“Have you ever wondered why men wear ties?”

“Ummmmm... no. Why would I care?”

“Well, I’m going to tell you because you need to know, and because you mother is making me.”


“So I heard your neck was hurting.

“Yeah. So. What’s your point? Mom said it was nothing.”

“Well. Mom was wrong. There’s a scientific reason why your neck is hurting. The neck muscles are being stretched and pulled.”

“Why?” interrupted Roger.

“Don’t interrupt me Roger.”

“Sorry.” apologized Roger.

“Anyway, the neck muscles are being stretched because your head is trying to float away. All boys are born with a brain but they slowly lose bits and pieces of it as they get older. Eventually there is more air than brain in their head. This causes the head to float away. Unless it is held on by this handy dandy tie, just like the one I am wearing.” Dad pointed to his tie.

“Well, why doesn’t this happen to girls?”

“ Boys and girls are both born with brains and no air. However unlike we men, who lose our minds, women gain knowledge over the years. Therefore women don’t wear ties. Just don’t forget to wear yours or else you will lose your mind.”
And that is why men wear ties.

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