Lobsters and Losers

June 15, 2008
By Kayla Haskins, Mars, PA


Lobsters and Losers

“Hey, Katie.”
“Cammie! What’s up? I haven’t seen you in ages!”

“I was in Mexico with my family.”

“Were you?”


“How was it?”



“No. I burnt.”

“I thought so.”

“I look like a lobster.”

“Or a tomato.”


“Sorry, but you led me on. Oh, by the way, have you talked to Ren lately?”

“No, why?


“Did they break up?”

“Worse. He said he loved her.”

“What did she say?




“Well, what did he say then?”


“What happened?”

“She kissed him.”

“That’s it?”


“What’s she going to do?”

“I don’t know. She doesn’t either. Thinks they’re going to break up.”

“Of course.”

“Don’t say it like that.”

“Why? It’s true.”

“Well, yeah, but it makes me feel better knowing I’m not being mean about it. You know, she’s pretty broken up about this one. Feels like she was finally going to make it.”

“He ruined it.”

“That’s what she said.”

“It’s true.”

“Oh, look, here she is now. Ren!”

“Hey, girls. How was Mexico, Cammie?”


“Yeah, you burnt.”

“We were just discussing Corey.”

“Did you fill in Cammie?”


“What do you think, Cam?”

“I expected it.”

“Did you?”

“Of course, Ren. It always happens.”

“But, Corey was so great.”

“He was.”

“But he had to say it. Don’t you remember? I told him not to and he still did.”

“You told him not to?”

“On the first date.”

“And he did?”

“Said he couldn’t hold back.”


“I know, it was selfish.”

“Girls! Maybe it was selfish of me to tell him he couldn’t.”

“Now you sound egotistic. Like everyone loves you or something, Ren.”

“Well, they do.”


“Okay, sorry. I was kidding.”

“Speak of the devil…Corey’s here with Jessica.”


“Did you know Corey was going to be here with her, Ren?”

“No. I’m going to see what’s up.”


“What do you think-”

“Be quiet, Katie. We might be able to hear.”



“Too bad, though. It would’ve been good. Did you know that Ren has always had this feeling that Jessica was moving in on Corey?”

“Yeah, she told me. You know, I bet they are going to stay together now because of this. Ren wouldn’t lose to Jess.”

“She wouldn’t.”


“What about Corey, though? She likes him.”

“She says.”


“And she wouldn’t lose to Jess.”

“Shh. Here she comes. Without Corey. Interesting.”

“Well, that was not good. Corey claims that Jessica called him to go see that new movie and that’s the only reason he’s here with her. Says that I wouldn’t see it, though he never asked.”

“What new movie?”

“The horror one. With that guy with the beard that always sings the really scary lines.”

“That one? It looked so dumb.”

“Did you tell him it looked dumb, Ren?”


“Well, then.”

“Don’t say it like that, Cammie. He still could’ve asked.”

“You already said you didn’t want to. Plus, you said Jess called him. It would’ve been rude to say no.”

“She shouldn’t have called him. She knows I don’t like it when they hang out all the time.”


“I was.”

“Not anymore?”

“Should I be?”


“You can’t break up with him now, Ren. He’ll think it’s about Jess and that’ll just ruin it. Make you seem undateable.”

“That’s not a word, Katie.”

“I don’t care about that anyway, Katie. It makes an excuse, at least. Before I was just going to break up with him without an explanation.”


“Maybe I can tell him it was too perfect?”

“I used that one once.”

“Did you? How’d it go over?”

“Bad. It was with Jared, that really obsessive guy I dated a few months ago now. Said if it was perfect than why break it off. I told him I wasn’t looking for perfect.”

“What’d he say?”

“He told me he wasn’t perfect.”

“What you do?”

“I agreed.”

“Bad move, Cam.”

“I know that now. He got real mad at me and I told him I was the perfect one and he got even madder. Told me he never realized how self-obsessed I was. He then left me stranded at Alfonzo’s. And he told all his friends what I had said. The girls, who I was nice with, wouldn’t talk to me. Kept glaring at me. His guy friends weren’t all that bad about it.”

“Didn’t you want to date that one friend of his? Owen?”

“Ralph. Yeah. He wouldn’t come near me after that. Oh, well.”

“So I shouldn’t use that one?”

“Doesn’t sound like it, does it?”

“It wasn’t that bad, Katie. Go ahead, Ren. I mean, wouldn’t it work well? He says he loves you and you sort of hinted you did too. It wouldn’t be clean, but it would work.”

“Katie? What do you think?”

“I still say no. Not about the excuse, about the whole breaking up thing. Wait it out.”

“I don’t want him to break up with me, though.”

“Why would he? He loves you.”

“And Jess?”

“He said that?”

“She claims.”

“When did you talk to her? And why didn’t you bring this up earlier? Well? Got something to say?”

“If you would shut up, Katie, she could.”

“Well, it was just yesterday. She was at Candy’s house and they were in the yard. I was on the phone with Corey and playing fetch with Marine. Threw the ball over the fence and I had to go get it.”

“Was it in Candy’s yard?”

“Duh, Katie.”

“Yeah, it was. So I told Corey I had to go and went to go get it. Turns out Jess had been listening to me talk and she kept making all these comments about what we had been talking about.”


“Well, no. I was talking pretty loud because I figured she’d be over there. Her and Candy are best friends.”

“Really? They don’t talk in school.”

“They do. Just not a lot. Candy is in the honors program and Jess is in the regular. That’s why. They have different friends. But now that it’s summer, they are always together. Always.”


“For you two.”


“Anyway, I was sort of ignoring her and talking to Candy, but she then says, probably because she was mad I was ignoring her, that he told her he loved her.”

“Maybe she meant before, when they were dating.”

“I don’t know. I don’t care. He can if he wants. He can love anyone he wants.”

“Besides you.”

“Besides me.”

“Well, do you know what I think, Ren?”

“You think I shouldn’t break up with him.”

“No, Ren, that’s not what I think.”

“What is it, then?”

“I think you should make him cheat on you. Perfect way to break up with someone. You know, like, urge Jessica to get him to cheat on you. Then you have a justified reason to break up with him and you can be like, you didn’t love me!”

“That’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard.”

“Now, Cammie, it isn’t that bad. It could work.”

“Don’t tell me you’re considering it!”

“It’s better than the ‘too perfect’ idea. He isn’t perfect.”

“And neither are you!”

“Oh, my mom’s here! Guys, I’m gonna go! Ren, call me and tell me what you do, okay? Like, I’m super interested. Cammie, good luck with the sun burn.”

“Hey, don’t look at me like that!”

“Bye, girls!”

“Katie’s crazy.”

“Yeah, but her idea isn’t that bad, Cammie. It would work well, too. I think it’s the only option.”

“You always have more than one option. You should know that.”

“Why should I know that?”

“Hmm, who should I go out with on Friday night? Cammie or Corey? Katie or Karl?”

“Okay, okay, so I have options when it comes to people. People aren’t real life.”

“Ren, you’re starting to sound a little like Katie when she’s had too much Mountain Dew.”

“I know, I know. I’ve just got to tell him, don’t I? He’ll understand! I told him on the very first date…”

“You did tell him…”

“Is that what I should do?”

“I’m not good at this, Ren. Maybe ask Lori?”

“Lori? You’re kidding, right? Lori hates me!”

“She’s your sister.”

“Just because she’s my sister doesn’t mean she likes me.”

“Well, no, but she can help. She goes through guys faster than you and they always still love her in the end.”


“I know.”

“God, that’s Corey! What’s he doing? Where’s Jess? What should I do, Cammie?”

“I don’t know! I don’t know! Just go with it!”

“Hey, Ren. Can I talk to you?”



“I’d rather talk with Cammie here. Cammie, don’t look at me like that.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“Okay, then. Um, Ren, remember last night?”

“How could I forget, Corey?”

“Well, do you remember what I said?”

“Why don’t you refresh my memory? And don’t look at Cammie like that. None of this is her fault.”

“Ren, I love you.”

“Cammie, don’t shove me.”

“Say something, Ren.”

“Corey, I wish I could. I really wish I could.”

“Could what?”

“Love you. But I don’t. Don’t you remember? I told you on the very first date.”

“I do remember. And I thought you were over that.”

“Over what?”

“Over the fact your dad didn’t love your mom. That doesn’t mean you can’t love anyone, Ren.”

“Wow, dude, back off. You have no idea what you’re talking about. Are you all right, Ren?”

“I do know, Cammie. You’re the one who doesn’t. Ren and I are closer than you will ever be.”

“Is that right, Corey? Because I don’t remember us being that close.”

“Ren, don’t be like this. I’m sorry I brought up your father.”

“You know what, Corey? I’m sorry, too. I can’t see you anymore.”

“Just because I mentioned your father? That’s ridiculous!”

“No, because I hate you.”

“And you hate me because I mentioned your father?”

“Go have fun with Jessica.”

“Is this about Jessica? We are just friends, Ren! Come back here!”

“I shouldn’t have mentioned Jessica, should I?”

“Nah, I wouldn’t next time. Good break-up, though. Not clean, but it worked.”

“Why’d he bring up my dad? Dad’s been dead for three years.”

“I don’t know. Did you ever tell him anything?”

“Ha, yeah right. I didn’t tell Corey anything. I bet it was Jessica, making up stuff. She probably thought Dad ran away from us.”

“Everyone knows he didn’t.”

“Except Corey and Jess.”

“Who cares about them?”

“Not me. Let’s go to the mall.”

“Jess, you are so insensitive. But, whatever. Corey’s a girl, anyway.”

“No, he’s a loser.”
“Let’s go to the mall.”

“And call Katie.”

“Always call Katie.”

“You know, Cammie, you really look like a lobster.”

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This article has 1 comment.

AnnieOakley2 said...
on Aug. 14 2008 at 2:34 pm
Awesome, Man! I love how you wrote in all dialouge. And it still makes sense!

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