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What's the Harm?

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It was a scorching summer afternoon on the west coast. And I was playing with my friend, Pete, on the beach, like I always do on blazing hot days, we jumped in the cool ocean breeze, we built sand castles, and we ate sandwiches. It was “business as usual” until we saw It, we didn’t know it yet, but It was going to change our lives forever.
I heard a shout from out in the water, “Come quick there’s something in the water!”
“Come on.” I said, “I know you’re spooked because you watched Jaws last night, but you’re just being a wuss!”
Pete: “No, I am pretty sure it’s not a giant bloodthirsty shark with a taste for human flesh! Come see for yourself.” I swam over to where he was standing in the frigid water. “Brr, it’s freezing. So, why did you drag me over here?”
“Look down” He said as solemn as a ghost. I looked, and what I saw blew my mind. It was beautiful, a word forbidden in the male language, but it had to be spoken, because this was truly “beautiful”. “Wha-where did it come from?” I stuttered.
Pete: “I don’t know… maybe… heaven?”
Jimmy: “First of all it would probably break falling from that high, and second I don’t think that’s possible.”
Pete: “Fine, but how do you explain it being made entirely out of diamonds?”
Jimmy: “Maybe some rich guy dropped it off his yacht? No, diamonds sink.”
Pete: “Maybe it’s what’s inside that floats.”
Jimmy: “It would have to lighter than air!”
Pete: “Tinkerbell could be trapped inside!”
Jimmy: “Tinkerbell… Really? What are you a nine year old girl?”
Pete: “Fine, maybe not! Let’s just bring it to shore and open it already!”
Jimmy: “Finally, something you that said actually makes sense.”
Pete: “Humph”
We both latched onto the chest and heaved it out of the water. But it turned out to be, way, way lighter than we thought. The precious box flung into the air, and touched down on the beach with a *Thud*. “At least we got it ashore!” Pete said hopefully.

We scanned the shining box for some way to open it, and found a three digit Masterlock slapped to the side. “Great! Now how are we supposed to get it open?” I exclaimed.
Pete: “We could try putting in my birth day.”
Jimmy: “Are you serious? Who would use your birthday! There is like a thousand possibilities, and It’s not like the person who dropped this even knows you!”
*click*
Pete: “So? Now, what was that about no one using my birthday as a code?”
Jimmy: “Fine… I take it back… It’s not my fault you were born on January 23.”
Pete: “Thank you. Now let’s see what’s inside.”
The hinge creaked as we slowly pried the lid open. When we gazed inside we saw a miniscule humanoid creature that looked sort of like my uncle Jerry if he was a pixie.
“Jerry?” I asked.
“Of course I’m not Jerry!” a little voice shouted from below, “who ever heard of a genie named Jerry?! My name is Isht, pronounced with a silent sh.”
Jimmy: “Oh I get it said with a silent shh.”
It: “That wasn’t a joke, and you can call me It”
Pete: “Okay, so why were you stuck in that diamond box, It?”
It: “Because my lamp broke!”
Pete: “Really, I thought that was just an ill-conceived stereotype?”
It: “Of course I don’t have a lamp! That was a joke. I was trapped in there because diamond is the only substance on earth that can hold me.”
Jimmy: “Why would you need to be held?”
It: “Oh, just a little misconception from when I lived in Ireland. It’s not my fault that someone wished for ten thousand pounds of gold, and it landed on their head! Next time tell me where to put it!”
Pete: “I am with you brother!”
Jimmy: “But… he killed someone.”
Pete: “So? It was an accident!”
Jimmy: “How about we wait until after the murder leaves, until we talk about if he “meant” to kill someone?”
Pete: “Fine, so if you really are a genie, where are our three wishes?”
It: “They’re right here, if you want them. But, actually with the inflation rates so high nowadays that gets you to about 2.7 wishes. People got three wishes like ten thousand years ago!”
Pete: “Does that mean we get two and seven tenths wishes or two big 1.45 wishes?”
It: “Who cares?!”
Pete: “Me.”
It: “All right, let’s go with two and seven tenths wishes. So, are you going to fight for all the wishes, or share it like civilized men. Personally I like it when people try to fight it out, granting wishes is much more entertaining when people aren’t in their right minds.”
Pete: “I think, we’ll just split it, we each get one wish, and then agree on the last one. How does that sound?”
Jimmy: “Sound good, but we have to be really careful. This guy could be a psychopath.”
Pete: “Are you saying you don’t believe this guy? We found him stuck inside a box made out of diamonds floating in the ocean, and he’s three inches tall!”
Jimmy: “My uncle Jerry was never trustworthy!”
Pete: “I thought we went over this, HE IS NOT YOUR UNCLE JERRY!”
Jimmy: “No need to get huffy! Let’s just get on with the wishing.”
It: “Are you ready yet? I don’t have all day. Chop, chop!”
Pete: “Okay, I am ready for my wish.”
It: “Finally! So, what’s it going to be?”
Pete: “I wish I could fly!”
It: “Nice choice. But you better find some place to hide.”
Pete: “Why?”
Pete was just about to ask again, when he suddenly shrunk to the size of a large ferret, then grew feathers, and his lips snapped together sprouting into a long rough bill.
“Because it’s hunting season.”
Just then, with a snap of his fingers, It summoned a group of large men with rifles and a hunting dog. *HONK* Pete flew away as fast as he could, to try and find a safe place to sleep for the night, because until he could find a flock, he was just fresh meat.
It: “Now, how about you? Remember you have one and seven tenths wishes left. What do you want, Gold? An elephant? Oh I know, how about a golden elephant? That’s always a crowd pleaser!”
Jimmy: “No, I don’t want any of those things. I wish for world peace, starting today, and going on until the end of time.”
It: “A very noble wish indeed! From now on, this day marks the first day of an eternity of world peace, on Mars.”
Jimmy: “Hey, that’s not fair!”
It: “What? I gave you your wish, world peace. I just assumed you meant on Mars!”
Jimmy: “I guess that was an honest mistake, better than Mars being one humongous battlefield.”
It: “That’s the spirit! Now, how about that last seven tenths of a wish?”
Jimmy: “This wish is a big one. Hope you are ready to get crazy, because, I wish I could stop time.”
It: “Big indeed! But it shall be yours, but be sure to get some sleep, tomorrow is going to be a long day.”
Jimmy: “What?”
And then the world slowed, to around seven tenths its normal speed, and It was right ,tomorrow was a long, long day.





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