30,000 Feet Above Ground

A hollow feeling enters my chest weighing me down. Breathing becomes harder and my stomach starts to turn. I look our the small plastic window as a wave of almost regret hits me. This time spent away from the normal hasn't brought me a new sense of self, a renewed driving force. Instead I'm left even more confused and lost than before. I'm just a dazed, lost soul in a world of normal people, not lost, not confused and quite sure of themselves. Hopes had been held that maybe I'd find a bit of myself. But what I found was the ways I hated myself, the ways I wanted to change myself. The envy I felt towards others shames me slightly. I don't want to be a cookie-cutter person, exactly like everyone else. I want to be a unique, creative, fashion forward person. My own breed. Yet this clashes with my intense desire to be one of "those" girls. The popular, outgoing, perfect looking in every aspect type of girl. A girl people save seats for, a girl people want to spend time with. But again I know in the back of my mind that I don't truly want that. This internal struggle is a fire burning, eating away at my insides. It will eat and burn until I can't take it anymore.
I will crack.
I will break.
I will snap.
And it will end with terrible consequences.





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