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Excerpt for Veins of Fear

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“Do you really think I want what you humans consider valuable?” he laughed. “All I want is your fear, your pain, and your blood curdling scream.” This is when he had sent his demons on me. They had scarred me, scared me, and nearly killed me, but I didn’t care. He had gotten what he wanted. I was scared, I did scream, and I feel a pain that no mortal could ever bare. Though, I am no mortal, not anymore.

“I’ll kill you!” I had screamed, fighting at the fear that possessed me. “I’ll kill you and be glad!” I had cried. I really wish that was true. Though I can never be happy. I killed him and now I must face the consequences. I plucked my eye from its socket and watched it roll across the floor. I am the one laughing at the fire in the city and the drought in the farms. The only dry eye at funeral, the only scowl at a birth. I am the home wrecker and cold feet in each family. I am the one who wishes someone will kill me, so I can get to the end of this f***ing life.

And that is what fear is. Some cold hearted thing that posses us. The thing that kills the weak so those who survive it will be stronger. The torturous shadow that is always there. The chill down your spine in the heart of the mist when you know something’s wrong. The stupid scream that is the your last word before you are killed in the dark, left in a bloody pile by some helpless serial killer. The tears that fall in streams by the one who finds you. The innocent stranger walking into court accused of a crime they didn’t do. The first flash of lightning as you sit alone, waiting for the breath stopping thunder to come. The clash of the thunder the minute you relax, saying to yourself its not coming. That is what fear is, and that is who I am.

Closing my eyes I bit back the emotions I was feeling inside. The rain kept falling all around, asking me if it was time yet? Saying the God of Fear is suppose to love the young child running to their parents room for some false protection. Or an older kid wishing they could run to their parents’ room for false protection, but has too much pride to do so. The water is sweeping down my cheek like sweat drips into a wound. I keep myself from crying out. Each drop pounding onto my skin, begging to be set free. So I gave it its wish. I let it go into the mind of whomever they chose, creating a storm of fear within it. Breaking them down slowly, into a state of mind they can’t compare. With this I watched and I listened.

A cry in the night echoing throughout an endless darkness. Help, it will call, as the chills run down, gripping you into place. Shock holds you as it comes closer. The pounding of drop after drop. You know there is no escape for you, so why even try. The sharpness pierces through you, your air cut short. Gasping for something, straining for anything, as agony drives through your soul. The fear evolves you into… something else. What are you scared of, your last bit of sense yelps, as you feel yourself begin to die. The traumas begin, forcing you down. What are you scared of, it yells again, gripping to stay alive. Striking the ground you try and hold every strand of you together, scarring you even more. What are you scared of, it tries one more time. I’m scared of this, you scream into the night, as you feel yourself lose consciousness. Dripping into darkness, the fear goes away. You sigh your relief as you fall deep into a dreamless sleep.

I turned away from the scene. I felt as though I should be shivering, as though I should be scared. I should be feeling the different sort of pain others feel when they watch a struggle for survival. I want to be scared I realized. Younger days I would laugh at my own folly. Now I know, all humans have to fear, and that is what I want, to be human. Now I did smile at myself. Look at what age can do to you. My elegant black hair has turned gray with stress. The gem in my socket has lost its glow. I have gained wisdom that I wish I had known. But I am still nothing but fear.





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Sam W. said...
Jul. 30, 2009 at 4:56 pm
Wow. That was intense. DUDE!

:)
Sam
 
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