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Schrodinger's Cat

By
Rent Stein, MEDICAL LOG

Tuesday: 03:23:09 AM

DREAMS -
An accordion at the foot of my bed.
Hovering; paralysis. Need to get out of here.



I wake up in the passenger seat of the Honda with a bottle of sleeping pills. I’m dressed and my fingers are pulling at the middle of my sweater instrumentally, and I recognize this motion as involuntary as I come to. The time is 07:03:52 PM, the cabin of the vehicle is quiet and cold. Snow is melting from the foot of my jeans and between the laces of my boots. For an unknown measure of time I fear I’m captive. I believe there was a hallucination of an elderly woman standing in front of the vehicle briefly. At some point I know that I am in my vehicle. At some point I know that I am in front of my apartment complex. At 07:47:19 PM, I re-enter the building.

Last Memory Before Episode: Reading non-linear physics phenomena and taking extensive notes in my Bible.













Thursday: 06:34:56 AM

DREAMS –

Large spiders falling from parts of my bedroom

Ceiling, consistent paralysis. Was able to wake

myself up after intense focus. The terror continues.



I wake up on my way to the laundry room of the complex with an unfolded basket of red clothing in my arms, becoming increasingly heavier. The hallway walls are a loud, sterile white. It occurs to me that they have been previously neutral. I observe a young boy, possibly age five, moving towards me at the other end of the hallway. He is holding a black leather leash between his knuckles. The collar end is empty and drags behind him. He seems to be moving at a faster pace than I, yet I pass him first. I stop myself at 04:23:09 AM, and at the highest point of lucidity – I return to my apartment and fold the clothing.

Last Memory Before Episode: Reading the Many Worlds Interpretation (MWI) on the Internet and sketching out my revisions to it.















Friday: 03:44:12 AM

DREAMS –

A dog with its paws on my chest?


keeping me down, making no eye contact -?


paralysis.



My parents are in my apartment wondering back and forth down the hallway. All of the lights are on, and I’m sitting cross-legged at the foot of my bed with my back to the door. Everything is mute; except for a constant noise that I remember identifying as the sound of light. My jaw is expanding and collapsing, and by the routine of my tongue I decide that I am speaking a foreign language. At 08:45:23 PM, I get up off the bed, at which point the clean white lights turn moody and eventually blackout. At 09:18:57 PM, I wake up, and leave the refrigerator door open in an effort to supply sound for the rest of the night.


Last Memory Before Episode: Reading an article about Game Theory and
possibly attempting to solve the Thiemann Triangle problem.

















Saturday: 01:54:11 AM

DREAMS –

I am lying on my stomach facing?


my alarm clock blinking 12:00, ?

as though the power has been cut.?

Paralysis again.


I am watching myself, sitting sideways in a desk seat. (Will the doctor please note that in the following I observed my body as a third party?) My body is on the telephone, speaking in low tones. The material is unintelligible. It occurs to me to check my watch, however I find that I am of spiritual matter, resting four to five feet above the ground. I feel myself being moved by the current of the ceiling fan, until I am caught in the corner of the wall. I experience an awareness of an intense susceptibility to evils, accompanied by a growing fear of falling from my resting place. At which point in time, I am jerked back into my body, holding the telephone to my ear. The line is pulsing and purring, dialing out to an unknown number. I hang up at 05:17:29 AM, and find that I have detached all phone lines from the wall, with no memory of doing so.


Last Memory Before Episode: Scanning Nash’s dissertation on Equilibrium and
highlighting specific elements of correlation concerning my own research.












Sunday: 10:43:28 PM

DREAMS –

Small orbs of light around my headboard

on top of my sheets - increasingly harder

to wake myself up from this.

I have a disposable camera in my hands and come to realize that I am taking
photographs of framed pictures on my wall. I have the lens aimed at a photograph of my mother and I at my graduation. I am wearing a shirt that says “Quantum Physics” and she is sporting a trial perm. The content of the shirt continues to change throughout this episode, and though I am lucid, I don’t stop myself until about 02:11:29 AM, approximately twenty minutes following my return to consciousness. This is perhaps the longest span of time I’ve been unable to intentionally interrupt automatic behavior. I find it curious that I should continue such behavior upon the awakening of my awareness. It was both a terrifying and peculiar experience.

Last Memory Before Episode: Researching sleeping disorders online. There are some interesting correlations.
















Monday: 04:31:22 AM

DREAMS –

Simply and vividly paralyzed

lying on my bed, exerting all possible

energy into escaping the dream realm.

I awake as I am sitting in front of my television set, changing channels without
remote. Each channel, in strobe effect, reveals a clip of a home video. It is my father teaching me how to count cards while playing 21. I am about nine years of age. After a period of time, it becomes clear that I have made a mistake in counting. He stands and throws his chair into the wall like splintering dynamite. The video is mute. As I continue changing the channel, the screen becomes a low blue and eventually turns off entirely. At 11:05:59 PM, I wonder back into bed and think of Las Vegas, and if anyone there cried over him even once.

Last Memory Before Episode: Developing the photographs taken by the disposable camera, and sealing them into an envelope marked ‘Evidence’. I found it being used as a bookmark in “Mind Over Body”.
















Tuesday: 12:33:19 AM

DREAMS –

An estimated hour of blindness,

deafness, paralyzation and anxiety.


My memory has become increasingly restless, especially concerning the episodes which are occurring more frequently. All that I know about the recent blackout is becoming aware of holding a dull steak knife in the center of my living room, shredding an unknown document. I recently boxed contents off of my counter and medicine cabinet, and set them outside for trash pickup due to the increasingly dangerous behavior exhibited even in conscious states. An hour and thirty-six minutes after my episode, I identified the destroyed document as my Thiemann solutions. My appointment with you is in exactly four days now. I’m thinking about calling you to move it up.

Last Memory Before Episode: Purchasing plastic utensils and reading an article about hypnagogic hallucinations.


















Wednesday: 05:20:39 AM

DREAMS –

I have not slept, in hopes of

escape.


I’m not eating or sleeping, just sitting around and reading. I didn’t call you because I’ve at some point apparently cut my phone lines. This is the only way to maintain myself. It seems these logs are the only evidence of my existence anymore. I can’t figure out if I’m awake or asleep, hallucinating or prophesying. Dead or alive. I’ve been reading about Schrodinger’s Cat. The quantum theory - you put a cat in a box with an atom, a detector, and toxic content. When the atom decays you release the toxins and the cat is both alive and dead simultaneously. Until you open the box; at which point it can either be of chance, one or the other. However, it can’t continue existence outside of the box in both constant states. I’ve taken myself off of the anxiety pills due to lack of result, but more - I fear something has gone horribly wrong.


Last Memory Before Episode: N/A



Thursday: 01:02:03 AM



If you’re reading this, I’ve opened the box.


???? ?? ???? ??? ?????
?? ?? ???????? ?????





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